(((LisaT))): You are not the scum of the earth. You are an incredibly courageous woman who has chosen to embrace truth and work to save your M. You are greatly blessed to have a forgiving H.<p>It totally amazes the capacity of BS to forgive us WS. <p>Lisa, I know your pain. I could not forgive myself for months...both for being duped by a scuzzy guy (geez, why didn't I at least go for rich and goodlooking??? just kidding!) and for lowering my standards spiritually, morally, in every way. I couldn't believe I wasn't really a "nice" girl anymore. <p>But a whole lot of people took the trouble AND determination to believe in me. And now I am finally beginning to believe in me, too! It's a wonderfully liberating feeling.<p>Give yourself lots of time==be patient with yourself. You are a very special person and you have a fantastic opportunity to start over. Put the past in perspective, then put it behind you as much as possible (but always let enough stay with you to remind you to be thankful for the new blessings) and step into today with excitement. Life is full of adventure as well as adversity.<p>Please don't beat yourself up. Let God's peace and forgiveness and the love of those who support you wash over your soul and just wait to see what wonderful thing will happen to you.<p>There truly is a better day coming!

Lisa,
I know how hard this is for you I am a WS in my relationship too.I had 2 PA. I have begged my H to forgive me but he walked out of the house and went to live with the OW he was having a EA with.He lived with her for a month and now lives in his own place.He is going to live there for the next 6 months. He says he loves me and wants our family back, But then he will pull away. I have been doing evey thing from reading to counseling. I am a survior of sexual abuse and that is what caused me to "act out" and have the PA I had. I tood my H over and Over again how much I love him and that the PA really had nothing to do with him. In counseling I founf out they did. I needed him to be there more for me and not so much with the OW. Any how, you really do need to love your self. You have to forgive your self and work on your self worth. I am still doing all of that so I am not going to tell you it is easy.I am in personal counseling and in marriage counseling. I too use to use my body to get what I "thought" I wanted. I never wanted the sex part of a relationship I wanted the friend and touching part. Now I now I am worth so much more than that and I am starting to respect my self enought to change my behavior. My H and I have been married 15 years. I hope we will get back together.
Good Luck to you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]