I have since forgiven my husband for the affair that he had one month ago that I just found out about....During the past week, I realized that I made some serious errors in our relationship and decided to try harder. He acted really wierd and I became suspicious immediately....the next day...I checked his cell phone and noticed numbers at 2 am....so I called the numbers and a woman returned the call and stated that she was just friends with my husband and was a christian and that was it.<p>In our honesty to truly work at our relationship, we had dinner last night together with my daughter and allowed her to ask him anything she wanted. Parents....from the mouths of babes...my daughter said that she felt so let down that she thought her dad (step-father) was the perfect man and that she held all boys that she dated up to him as a guideline to what she wanted in life....at 15....anyway..he was crushed..we cried....she went to bed....<p>I have been following him around like a lost puppy, watching and waiting for phones to ring, or unexpected appointments to pop up. He was coming out of the restroom, and I assured him that we could do this...that I could forgive him as long as we were totally honest with each other. He then informed me that he has slept with 2 other women in the past 9 months other than the original..one before...one after....<p>My heart is ripped open. I said I would forgive him and try harder after I found out about the first one. He has been with me by my side since the revealation of the first affair, so I know nothing has happened since....he says this was all prior to this weekend and should be forgiven all at once and we should move on. <p>How do I know that these were the only 3? How do you give trust back to a man who is surrounded by temptation via the internet, work, restaraunts (his last fling).....cell phones....? Why are women so stupid to sleep with a married man....are they thinking that they are going to leave their wives and marry this trash? Sex without condoms? <p>I was just told by my husband that the last one was very hurt by him telling me of the affair and that she felt betrayed....he said there might of been potential, but he needs to work on his marraige right now.....is this mixed signals...am I stupid......can a man really change if he feels that his marraige has a real chance?

The first thing you need to do is to not follow your H too closely. This could actually push him away.<p>In order to trust....you have to be willing to trust...which also means that you have to give him a little room to be able to show you that he CAN be trusted.<p>If you don't give him this room.....then not only will he not be able to prove himself...but he will resent you for putting him on a so called "short leash".<p>How do you know there are only 3?<p>Does it really matter how many there were?
He told you this on his own with no pressure from you....so why would he clip the # of times that it's happened. <p>I don't think you should worry about how many times it's happened unless it will change your decision on forgiving him and working on your marriage.<p>There is always a chance....and your H seems to be making an effort.

Im trying not to follow him....Im trying to be there for him. But everytime I turn around there is a text message or a phone call or something. He and I are currently living in seperate residences and its when hes by himself that he strays. One of the women lives in his development that he lives in. The one that he felt that there might of been a potential if I hadnt stepped up. <p>This is day 5......the last 2 just dropped last night at about 11pm.....I know the quantity doesnt matter, I guess, but I hope its only three. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant function and I run a business that is going to start to fail if I dont get it together. <p>I said I forgave him, why isnt he grateful? He said that our marraige is all he wanted, if so, why do I have to call him and say hi instead of him? He asks like I took away his toys and grounded him? Am I just not being patient.....its all about me....I cant get enough of him holding me right now and when he's not here, I cant even function. I feel as though I have an electric charge going through my body.<p>I dont want to push him away, I want to keep him from being lonely and going to these other women. I want to be there for him. He ended it and this one woman left him a message to call if he wanted to talk. Am I naive to think that a man can change?

this will help you answer some of the "whys"<p>Wats Guide
Wat's Guide
All may not apply, but much of it will. <p>Read as much as you can from this site, and you will start to understand a lot of your questions
Get "Surviving An Affair" and it will put you on the right road and help you to know what to do. <p>Come back when you have digested some of the above. You will find a log of help here. ( as we all do.)
Hope you will be OK. <p>SS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I said I forgave him, why isnt he grateful? He said that our marraige is all he wanted, if so, why do I have to call him and say hi instead of him? He asks like I took away his toys and grounded him? Am I just not being patient.....its all about me....I cant get enough of him holding me right now and when he's not here, I cant even function. I feel as though I have an electric charge going through my body. <hr></blockquote><p>First of all....It's not all about you.<p>It's about you and your H making things work....it takes 2.<p>First thing you need to do is curb your expectations.
Don't expect anything....you'll just be let down.<p>You have certain ways you do things and your H has certain ways he does things.....maybe if you understood more of what your H needs are and in what way he feels that he can fill your needs then you would understand why he doesn't call you....or why he feels the way he feels.<p>Patience is the key here.....this isn't going to work itself out overnight.