I am new to MB. I recently posted at another site and didn't get any advice. Let me start by saying that I have been married for fourteen months and together for 3 1/2 years prior. All my friends and family envied the relationship that my H and I have/had. He was the most affectionate and considerate person that I've ever meet. Until about 6 months ago, he started changing overnight. I started asking him what is wrong and he would say it is stress from work, etc. Then around Feb., I had this gut feeling that he was seeing someone at his office. I asked him and he has become so defensive and angry with me. I found her cell phone # on his bill, he has taking her out to lunch, on one occasion that I know of, and he lied to me about it. That night after he took her to lunch we got into a fight which turned into a physical fight, I broke my hand during the fight. I don't know how it happened. I didn't go to the dr. for 3 weeks because I didn't know what to say or tell the dr. Anyway, I had to have surgery and now just starting hand therapy. On May 31st, we got into another agrument about her and he didn't come home until 1:30am... When he got home he said that he was out just driving around clearing his head...Not to go into all the details, but on Sunday morning I called his cell phone to erase the messages that I had left on Friday night only to hear a message from her saying..."Hey, sweetie, sorry I missed your call, I couldn't get to my phone. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS LAST NIGHT, today must be hell for you...I have to see you more, Bye, Sweetness" (she had left the message on Saturday)...I was devastated. I was so upset that after I recorded on tape that by accident I erased it off his phone. He came home just as I was about to leave and I told him what I had heard and he pushed me and grabbed the tape from my purse and walked down the street. I left and did what I had been saying I would do but didn't have any proof until know, call his boss. Just as I knew it, he didn't believe me. My question is this...The night he was out he came back home wearing only one of the two shirts that he had on that day. A couple of days later I asked him where his shirt was and he replied "In the car, I took it off that night when I sat down at the park..." I found it in his car and there are stains all over it (if you know what mean). I have since found a DNA lab that will tell me if there are male and female residue on the shirt. Should I send it off? We did start counselling on Monday and have individual appts. next week. But I can't put closure on this until I know the truth and I don't think he will ever admit to what happened. She still works with him and she is not married. I am so afraid and don't knnow what to do...Please someone help.

Unfortunately...the anger sucks.....its what the WS uses to turn the tables to make you feel guilty. Like because you were snooping or because you were paying attention your at fault. Dont fall for it.<p>If your husband wants to truly work out the marraige then he is going to have to admit to you that he had an affair. It is critical that he addrss this issue with you as until he does, it will fester in you and grow and harden your heart. If you want to ask him in a loving, supportive way that makes him feel that he can tell you anything unconditionally and you will forgive him, he might tell you. It takes patience and love to do this as the details are going to hurt. Read the posting on infidelity regarding the WATs program...very inspirational. <p>If you want to get through this and you beieve that you two can....it will be worth the trip...Im still new at this and feel so positive about the future....I recognize my mistakes more than his and know that there was something broke long before his affair began....Now were trying to find the broken part and fix it. Get your toolbox.....

hurtn - I feel for you and I am in a similar situation where you just don't know or you don't have the proof or you are not sure what to believe ??/ They will deny it always if you need to know then I would get the shirt tested but only for your sanity.. Only to prove to yourself that you are not crazy.. That you are not imagining what you heard or what you think..I have been living with the I don't knows for 8 months and everytime I turn around there is a new revelation and I am more confused - now I am getting a divorce but still am trying to hang on not willing to face reality.. But the I don't knows are still driving me crazy.. Test if for yourself.

You have come to a good place forhelp. Don't worry if people don't respond within a few hours, sometimes it takes longer ( today was good, some days it takes longer.) <p>Read as much as you can on this site, and order the book "Surviving an Affair." It will help you understand what to expect and how to deal with things. <p>Here is a good place to start looking and reading. This one will help you understand WH. <p>Wat's Guide<p>You are in for the ride of your life, hold on, and don't give up. You can get through this. <p>SS

Hello hurtn -- you have come to the right place and I hope we all can help. I too went through months of my husband denying his bizarre behavior. All of sudden everything was my fault. He had ready explanations for all kinds of strange absences in time, etc. etc. It is typical WH (wayward husband or WW wayward wife) behavior in an A (affair). You are not alone.<p>I read others' posts here every day for about two days straight to calm myself down and get some advice. <p>Read, read, read -- it will calm you down and give you some perspective.