Fellow MB friends,<p>The ow is still paging my H. I don't know what to do. I have asked my H to tell her to stop but he just says "Leave It Alone". I am being very civil but my patience is running low. I haven't even LB'd. Believe it or not....<p>I have asked my H to change his pager # but he hasn't. I have asked H to tell her to stop paging him. He hasn't. Should I call ow and tell her to stop. I really don't want to ever speak to the ow, but if it comes down to it then I will. <p>Things between me and my H have been going o.k. no major break thru's but at least H is being civil. I haven't told him about the no contact letter because I am afraid that he will refuse. Then what... H did say that he has stopped seeing/talking to ow but his word is not enough. Why would ow continue to page him if there wasn't any contact. Or is there? Can it truly be the ow who wants my H to contact her??? <p>Lost

Yes, call her back immediately, preferably from a phone number that she knows and ask he if she called you...when she denies it ask her if she called "your husband", she'll of course deny, state his full name and ask if she called him. Pause, she'll definately have some major anxiety at this point because she has been CAUGHT. then ask her, "are you the other woman?" listen to how she says it (denial of course) but at least you'll catch her off guard and she'll forever remember being known as "the other woman". <p>I don't know if this will work but it may be worth a try. Don't say anything more after she answers just pause and listen to her anxiety. Oh, its there all right. Enjoy it.<p>My H OW stopped calling his cell phone when he accidently left it on the table, sure enough at lunch her phone number pops up....so I answered it and she hung up. I called her from an unfamiliar number and she answered. I did exactly as I have stated. She denied but I believed it helped to break down their already dying relation. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Lost,<p>Need more info......I'm assuming H has told you about A. How long since DDay? Was it EA or PA. Sounds as though he has said he won't contact OW .....why isn't he willing to change pager then?
He may or may not have ended contact.<p>I wouldn't handle it as suggested by Castaway. SH says NC is NC including you. If you call her it just gives her an excuse to call your H and complain to him about you; turn the tables. If H hasn't called her it starts again if he is talking to her he will just be symmpathetic towards her and more cautious around you. IOW he'll retreat furhter into secrecy.<p>If you've read SH's site please remember that all you can do is Plan A and hopefully the A will die on its own accord.<p>Give more details of where you are in the process.

Castaway,<p>I already spoke to her once. That was in March. March 12, 2002 to be exact(d-day). My H didn't tell me. I found out. The ow # was on my phone bill and I called it and it answered. ow told me alot of things. When I confronted my H of course he was shocked and he was physically shaking. He said that they stopped seeing each other in DEC 01. But I found him there on March 17 & on the 28th. And the ow paged him on the 30th of April and yesterday June 10. It is hard to say if he is or isn't still seeing her. Only time will tell. <p>I am nervous to call her again. <p>Lost
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Together 18y, Married 10y
2 boys (10 & 7) 1 girl (3)
d-day 03-12-02, d-day2 04-18-02,d-day3 04-28-02
ow continues to page my H. H will not tell her to stop nor change his pager #.
-------------------------------------------------- <p>Lost <p>I again asked my H to call her and tell her to stop. MY H just says "Leave it Alone". I don't want to call her again. But like I said if I have to I will.

Dear lost,<p>I can certainly relate to those nasty pages and phone calls. I had to deal with them also. <p>Bottom line is that those calls or pages are hurting your soul. Howz about letting your H know it is making you sick? Does he care about you if you are sick? That could be a 'testing' point of where he is in the recovery. <p>One BS out there has getting sick to her stomach and another before used to throw up all the time. This is not an exaggerated point. This stuff does make us sick. <p>Share with him some of the other BS stories and see how he reacts. I did that to my H and he called some of the WS, jerks. Hm..... guess what, my WS was a jerk also and eventually he even admitted he was a jerk. All in all, they know. Getting them to say it out loud is progress. <p>Do you remember SNL? Well I used to speak with him and his W so my H said that SNL is a jerk. Well whether he is or not, so was my H and he realized that. Now he is working on NOT being a jerk. U see? Sometimes it is easier for them to see the stupidity in others first. <p>JMHO,
L.

IMHO......neither one of you should contact the OW.....or respond to her pages. This is exactly what she wants. Why else would she be doing all the paging?<p>I agree with Orchid about telling your H about other BS stories. I myself was one of those that was constantly sick to my stomach....actually lost 30 lbs through this whole thing because no matter what I ate....it came back up....and I ended up in the hospital because of it.<p>My H never sent a no contact letter.....I did harp on him about it for a while...he refused to send one.....but when he finally agreed to send one...I found that I really didn't need him to do that for me anymore. He was showing me in other ways that the contact had ended and that he was working hard on making our marriage work.<p>This whole thing with him not changing the pager #......I think it's a guy thing. Maybe he thinks that the pages will eventually stop and he doesn't want to go through the trouble of having to contact everyone that has his old pager #.<p>It is possible that your H doesn't want her to contact him.....and that she is the one trying to initiate contact. That is what happened in my case when I found out about continued contact. I had proof that she was the one initiating contact.

Orchid,<p>I will tell my husband about my feelings. I do get sick but I get sick to my stomach. But I don't throw up. And yes it does hurt my soul.<p>Let's see how my H reacts when I tell him. When it did happen I just told him to tell her to stop. Orchid, my H doesn't want to talk about the A. But he did tell me he would it time. Anyway I don't want to push things. But I did tell him that keeping the alarm on his pager upset me. So he said o.k. I will take it off. And he did. But now he keeps his pager in his car or he doesn't bring it in the house or he hides it. <p>My H did tell me that he is doing what he is suppose to do, and he swears that he hasn't seen/talked to her. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. <p>Lost

MissPriss,<p>I won't contact her. And hopefully H won't either. I can't believe that the ow would continue to page him. What is the problem <p>I have lost weight too. I lost 38 pounds and am still losing weight. I am just not hungrey. But I needed to lose weight anyway. Hopefully I can lose another 40 pounds. I am no feather weight. That's for sure.<p>I haven't even mentioned a no contact letter. If H won't call her and tell her to stop. Why would I even expect him to write a letter. I hope the pager # thing is a guy thing. <p>Yes, it is possible that my H is not contacting ow. But you know as well as I, I believe him as far as I can throw him. To soon for me.<p>I get so happy to hear about Recoveries that are working so well. I guess all the work does pay off. I am so early in the game that I guess I am just expecting miracles. Maybe by this time next year I can truly say "Great Recovery".<p>Thank You,<p>Lost