It was only in late October that my wife of seven years and four kids told me that she was no longer sexually attracted to me. Only weeks later she told me that she no longer had that "in love" feeling (but still loved me) and that she wanted to see how green the pastures were on the other side of the fence since she didn't have a chance to do that prior to her first marriage (age 19) or this one (she's now 32). As in many scenarios, she says these feelings have been building for over 3 years (and of course I had no clue). I am not without fault, like most of us men, my actions and lack-there-of over the past years reeked the "taking for granted" syndrome. I've corrected most of those now. Also, I changed from an executive career to an entrepreneurial one - a childhood dream. I now know she hates that, and wants the security and lifestyle of an executives wife again. But this greener pasture thing - the desire to want to explore the world "before" settling down don't have much to do with.<P>Anyway, you know all the agony that I've faced these past weeks, and the fear, and the love. She even took sex away, saying that it was no longer comfortable with me (because she wanted to explore with others).<BR>She has agreed to start counseling this week, and says she wants to save the marriage but doesn't know how to get the feelings back and make these others go away.<P>This weekend I invited her to a Bed & Breakfast about 100 miles away. She said no, but I told her I had already spent the money (besides, she had said this was the sort of thing we needed to be doing). She went. It started off slow with dinner, then her usual "I'm exhausted" routine for getting out of passionate moments with me prior to arriving at the B&B. <P>But at the B&B she really liked the room and began to warm up. It was wonderful. My wife was back, if only for that weekend. And, after a long massage, sex was back and bigger, longer, wilder, and better than ever. Then walks on the beach, nice drives, the works. <P>Best of all, we talked about the FUTURE together instead of apart. I'm not naive, and am still very frightened of what has and still is happening here. Today, she hinted that she may want to back out of counseling, but it is too late. <P>Is this progress? Will counseling help?<P>SamH

Congratulations, SamH, that definitely sounds like progress to me! (though I am a new face 'round here) <P>If I may engage in a gender stereotype briefly: as a woman, let me tell you that it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that your W see your Giver as much as possible, and your Taker rarely, especially for the next several weeks. Treat her lovingly, be affectionate (re-read the affection chapter of His Needs, Her Needs, remember that men frequently consider sex to be affection, but women frequently distinguish them very clearly). You don't want your W to feel that this special weekend the two of you shared was only about sex to you. Let this be a new beginning. If she responded to you as you say she did, her sexual attraction to you hasn't vanished, just become buried - maybe under the difficulty in balancing roles as mother and wife, maybe in the stress of everyday life, maybe under Love Busters - but it has surfaced, and it can again. <P>The right kind of counseling can do wonders, but be careful in choosing a therapist, for it can also open more wounds than it heals. I wish you and your W the best...

Way to go!!! I'm happy for you.<P>I look forward to a B&B with my W.<P>Keep up the good work<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

SamH<P>Congratulations. This definitely sounds like progress. Especially since she showed interest in making future plans together. This shows that your hard work to make yourself more attrative to her is starting to pay off. Keep up the good work. I think that counseling will be helpful.<P>Take Care,<P>cjv

We start counseling today - I'm both scared to death and excited. As most of you know, life gets really hard when you love your spouse to death and took your vows very seriously, but you haven't heard her say "I Love You" in what seems like forever. In fact, nothing can be harder than your wife telling you that she no longer feels "in love" with you.<P>This is an extremely painful process, with both me and the family giving her so much love. Yet, the increased pain of not having her there, and not working on the Love would not be at all bearable.<P>Anyone with advice on how counseling impacts the process - are there more intensified peaks and valleys for example, or what?- that<BR>insight would really help. <P>SamH