Like many others I never thought that I would end up here. I have been married to my wife for 19 years and have two children . Over the past few years we have been growing apart and I failed to do anything about it. That all changed after D-day three weeks ago. WS informed me that she had developed strong feelings for a co-worker and had acted upon those feeling. It started with flirting, e-mails, and IM&#8217;s. Then about the first week in May she kissed him while in his car while on a lunch run to a fast food restaurant. Afterwards they talked and decided that to much damage could come from this relationship. WS said she was sorry but OM made her feel special. Seems that they were able to talk about all kind of thing, something we had not been able to do for a long time. I was crushed. I spent the next three days doing a lot of soul searching and came to the conclusion that I still Loved her vary much and told her so and would do what ever it took to change things between us.( I had not yet found MB yet). We talked and cried a lot. I told WS that my biggest problem to over come would be the loss of trust that I had in here. <p>Over the next week I started snooping around the computer ad discovered that she had 4 e-mail address and password protected private message board. When I ask her for all the passwords she got vary defensive saying that I was trying to control her and didn&#8217;t see why she needed to give me the pass words. Big fight but she finally gave them to me but only after she went in and deleted all of her old sent and received mail. I ask that she not e-mail the OM and that she not be alone with him or talk to him other than on professional bases. We have since talked about this and she admits that it is hard because she still has feelings for him. <p>Last Friday I discovered that she had opened up a new e-mail address and had e-mailed the OM.
Needless to say I was hurt and angry and we had a major blow out. While she was at work Sat. I spent six hour on the MB web site reading everything I could and it put thing in a whole new light.
I realized that a lot of the problem with our marriage is my fault like not meeting here EN. <p>The problem that I am dealing with is that WS gets vary defensive if I watch her open e-mail or hang around when she is on the computer. I get responses like &#8220;will you ever trust me&#8221; or &#8220; I feel like you are trying to control me&#8221;. <p> WS tells me that she is having a hard time accepting the change in me since for the past few years I was like a robot with no feeling. She is afraid that the change won&#8217;t last. I guess it is her lack of trust in me. <p>I do love my WS. I guess that this whole thing has been a major wake up call. I can forgive her but how do I forget? I have been on such an emotional roller coaster the past three week that I am not sure if I can think straight. <p>Any comments or suggestion would be welcome. I have not got the books I order yet but can&#8217;t wait <p>&#8220;we&#8217;ve been through our ups and downs together, but we still go on playing together&#8221; csny: four way street<p>[ June 19, 2002: Message edited by: bppp ]</p>

bppp,
Welcome to MB!!! I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. Your story is not new, it is the same story told over and over. The good news is that there is hope. I too was in your very shoes only much worse. My WS was in a full blown A for nearly 2 years before I found out. I was in shock for months. Married 16 years and two wonderful kids. Thought I had it all but what I didn't even realise is that I also was not meeting her needs and unfortunaly, some one else did. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]
To make a long story short..... we are in love again doing way better than before!!! I encourage you to not only read all that you can on the subject but consider marriage counseling. This helped us emensly in the early stages of recovery. Also, if your are religious, seek God for answers. You will be surprised at the comfort and understanding that you can recieve when you turn to Him.
Come here often to ask questions, vent and yes cry. There are many folks here to help you.
This is all going to start with you. It sounds like you are on the right track, but you must understand one very important thing..... time and patience. You are faced with some tuff times ahead of you but like I said before, there is hope!!!<p>God Bless,<p>Stillhurts

Hi BPPP,
As has been said, welcome to MB. We are sorry you are here, for we wish hard times on no person. However you can get the help you need here. <p>Here is a place to begin.
Wat's Guide<p>Read this link and then start searching the site. You can learn much before your books get there. (hope you ordered SAA) Ask questions when you have them, all of us here had to start someplace. <p>Be prepared - sometimes we find out that we didn't get the whole story the first time around. <p>Start Plan A, meet her needs, don't love Bust. Repeat, DON'T LOVE BUST. Don't drive her into OM's arms. Other person is like an addiction, she needs to be treated, not lectured or yelled at. <p>You are in for some hard work - don't give up. <p>SS