My wife recently suffered what was looking like a nervous breakdown. She confessed to having no feelings about anything and feeling depressed. She even started therapy (which I fully support), but then she suggested that she move out out to get her head centered. <p>This was confusing to me. Why? Shouldn't a husband help a wife with everything? Well, after several crying conversations over a few days later she revealed that she had a strong crush on a friend of ours for the past year. That was the problem. She admitted to wanting to move out in an effort to convince him that *we* (meaning *I* was the problem, ignoring her, not being loving enough, etc.) -that *we* were having problems in our marriage. <p>To his credit he politely declined and severed their friendship for the sake of doing the right thing. They never consumated anything. Then *she* spiraled into a depression over it.<p>Now for the twist: I have been a good MBer for over three years. I am practically a posterboy for Plan A. But I get the feeling that my wife is just lazy. I don't think she is depressed in the clinical sense. But she won't 'snap out of it' and grow up. She wallows in sadness/shame/whatever and infers that I am not supportive because I don't....<p>Don't what?<p>I don't know! I DO EVERYTHING! I love her and even her therapist assured her that everyone has crushes and it's normal and she just went overboard. <p>Everyday it's a downer having her around. She gets all worked up into her "I feel so sad, nothing is good" and I sit there saying nothing because what can I say? Grow up! I mean it, enough already.<p>Sorry don't mean to rant, but I am fast losing respect for my wife.<p>L.I.

I don't know what to say because I can't understand why she would act this way. But I wanted to answer your question.<p>No, it isn't you. I do think she is being immature. I hope she will snap out of it.<p>Good luck to you.

Something is very wrong...has she seen a therapist? Is she clinically depressed or some other illness perhaps? This sounds chronic and her reaction to an OM who showed her merely friendship was a little obsessive. I think she needs the kind of help you can't give her...professional help. Good luck to you.

Thanks to both of you. <p>Well, before this happened she hadn't displayed any problems at all. Just a general work-stress attitude. But now... Well, now it's all about depression, anxiety, she said that she felt our marriage wasn't progressing. I asked her, "Where should it be going?" She said she doesn't know. I said if she isn't participating in it like an adult it can't *go* anywhere. <p>As a solution I suggested that she get angry about almost losing her husband and home. Gawd, aren't I worth something? But she just starts saying things about needing support, "If I need to cry I should cry" and so on. Super. Then what? And in the meantime what can I do except sit there and reassure her that I'm always reeady to listen and help in any way.<p>Seriously, I go from feeling sad and urgently wanting to do anything for her, to feeling almost like I'm being strung along for sympathy. Honestly, it's like living with an immature teenager (which is a redundant term I suppose).<p>I do think you are both right on the immaturity. As far as what causes her emotional state right now, she said that recent events brought up abandonment issues with her mother dying young and her father never expressing any love for her.<p>Ah... I know you may be shaking your head at that. It's sooooo textbook. But I'm at a total loss.<p>L.I.