I am not married, but the woman I have been dateing for a year, i am saving up the money for a ring. We are talking about marriage next spring. Here is my problem, she has cheated on me with her ex boyfriend and lied to me about it. She did it for the first 4 months we dated. She has not done it in the last six months. I know where she is most of the time. How can I learn to trust her again?

Hi dsb-
I am currently reading Surviving an Affair and he addresses that exact point. He says "trust grows as each spouse shows himself/herself to be trustworthy." and "trust assumes that our spouse will follow the Rule of Honesty (to always be completely honest at all times) and the Rule of Protection (never be the source of your spouse's unhappiness)." If these two rules cannot or will not be followed by both spouses, there cannot be trust in the relationship.
I highly encourage you to search this site, not just the forum but the site, because you will find a wealth of info on building and keeping a close relationship. He has some books that address the premarital and early marital Rel. as well.
To offer my $0.02, please don't marry until you feel you can trust her, 'cos what is hard now is much harder afterward.
Good luck [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I suggest that you do not marry this woman. She cheated and had sex with her ex boyfriend for the first 4 months of your relationship? You would be foolish to marry her. How do you think you would feel
if this happened after you were married? If she could not be faithful at the beginning of the relationship then what makes you think she will be faithful when times get rough after you are married? She is showing you a clear sign. I suggest you read it.

Question: does she regret what she has done, and is she showing remorse?