Dear uk-er,
This is such good news - your good plan A has helped you to be able to get to this point,but now your work really begins in earnest, and you have to remember that you are not out of the woods yet.
If you read "shattered vows" on
www.findarticles.com, you will see that many of the things your H has now done are the best signs you can have for a full recovery, but just because he has decided to stay does not mean that it is all over, or will be the way you want it from now on.
He may go through "withdrawal" - it would help you to read up on that - he had this fantasy life worked out in his mind, and as miserable as it may be for you to be aware of, he may miss the OW for awhile. This may make him grouchy and irritable with you at times and he will feel guilty about snapping at you. You need to do just what you did this week and be patient and loving, and not retaliate with anger if you see this happening. Otherwise he could do another about-face and be out the door again.
You also need to now start asking yourself if there is anything you could do to better yourself - you have already made some changes in you for the better, and he has noticed these, but he will also be watching for consistency. This is where the emotional needs and love busters AND recreational companionship questionnaires can be really helpful. I know I didn't realize just how much my H needed Admiration and RC - these are things he has found with OW. I made it my policy to pay him at least one genuine compliment a day - I looked for one thing I still liked or could admire about him, and I made sure I said so to him - sometimes this is hard - I am still working on this - but I told myself that there were many good things about him that I had liked in the beginning, and that I could still like in him, and when I did this, it helped keep my perspective of him in balance - especially when you are dealing with the resentment that surfaces afterwards. The WS goes through a period of hating himself for what he has done - this also lets him know in very small, specific ways why you can still find things to love about him. He may say to you that he doesn't understand why you can still love him. This helps get you through that - but don't stop doing it - if this is one of his top ENs and for most men, it is - it should become a basic part of your day - your daily compliment to him.
I am so glad to hear you have his chance and I will continue to pray for you. I am going to Paris for a week's holiday, but will check back in next week.
Take care and good luck.
LIR
P.S. I am Miss O - I changed my name last week t something more positive. I'm the one who told you you'd be glad to not hand him to the OW on a silver platter. Oh, one thing - you say that you are erasing her msgs on his cellphone. I know - I did this, too and my H still doesn't know I did this, but it is dishonest, and it might backfire on you - you say he gave you his cellphone? Does he mean for you to keep it for awhile? In which case, it is probably OK. But beware of being put in the position of being his jailer - he could then turn and say you were trying to control him. These moves have to be his decisions.
