posted also in general questions:<p>My husband had a five month EA and PA. I found out when OW sent me an email and we have been trying to rebuild for the sake of our young child since May. However, I just found out that OW got a job opportunity to start working with him and gave him the chance to tell her not to do it, which he didn't do. He says guilt for what he did to her is a factor. He's known this for three weeks now and just told me. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy at the thought that they'll spend everyday together and what might happen again. He promises me over and over that nothing will happen, that neither of them have any interest in continuing, but why didn't he tell her not to take the job? And what can I do to alleviate my paranoia? Should I contact her to make sure that she has no interest in him? Every time that he comes home late, I'll only be thinking that he's with her. Everytime the office goes out for drinks, who knows what will happen? I don't know how to continue to rebuild trust when this has happened to us. Help.

Hi-I'm pretty new, but having read Surviving an Affair I know Dr Harley's unwavering position is NO Contact. Even if your H means well (which you cannot count on yet) the situation is not a good one for him to be in. I highly recommend you both read it, and maybe His needs Her needs too. If your H truly wants to save your M he will agree to do WhatEver it takes to earn your trust-not least of which is no contact. And you should keep in mind that trust is something He has to earn, he doesn't deserve it. Dr Harley says that in order to trust your spouse, you must be convinced of two things-his complete honesty, and his protection of you, which is to say that he will not be the cause of your unhappiness. Until you are fully convinced that both of these conditions are and will be met you cannot trust him.