Hi everyone.<p>This is my first post. I have read a lot of the other posts, and in a morbid way, am glad I am not alone in some of my feelings. I say morbid because what I feel, I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy, yet I see that I am not the only person that feels this way.<p>Please forgive me for not knowing all the lingo and abbreviations. I will try and make my story as edited as possible, without making things boring. <p>I am sure by the time many of you finish reading this, you will wonder the sanity of my choices. The only defense I have on my behalf, is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Once I am in love with someone, I cannot let it go.<p>I am sure most of you can relate when I say I thought my wife was my 'soul mate'. The circumstances under which we met were not the greatest to start a relationship. She had been married for 10 years, and had 4 children. She didn't tell me this at first, but after about 4 days of seeing eachother, she let me know. I of course was shocked at all this, but she assured me that her marriage was over, and she was filing the papers for divorce. I was a little weary because I wondered what kind of woman this was that she could do this to a 10yr. marriage, and 4 kids. But, because of how well we connected mentally and physically, it seemed like her husband was the one that was messing up. Because of the way I am, I actually felt bad about the situation for quite a while, but of course not bad enough to give up what me and this woman had.<p>True to her word, she did get her divorce. They never went thru any counseling, she just kicked him out. I was always leery of the fact that she could just throw a person/life away like that, but because of her telling me that I was ‘different’ and she could never do anything like that to me, we went on. She had also told me about how many affairs she had had on her husband (a lot), but once again assured me that we had something she never had before, so there was no way she could ever do that to me. We were ‘soul mates’, remember?<p>Eventually I moved in with her and the kids, and eventually we got married. Yes, there have been plenty of struggles in between all of this history, but we finally got married. Two of the major struggles from my end: I was always scared she was going to do to me what she did to her husband. And the other is that she has a drinking problem. I don’t mean she drinks everyday, but what she does is start drinking and doesn’t stop ‘til she is sick. That in itself is bad enough, but the worst part is she (how do I put this nicely) gets ‘loose’. And I don’t mean with me. Given the chance when she is drunk, she would have no problem having sex with whoever was there. I cannot say if she did or did not do any of this, because there were a lot of times I wasn’t around to control the situation. I have stopped her many times when she’s drunk and trying to get with other men. <p>A lot of these behaviors did not become apparent to me until a long while into our relationship. Most of you reading this will know what I am talking about when I say there were plenty of excuses for her irrational behavior, and in your heart of hearts you want to believe this person because of how much you love them. Soul mates. After dealing with the same thing over and over tho, and the same excuses, it starts to make you wonder.<p>Now in me writing this post, I am by no means perfect. Because of me having trouble with the knowledge of her past affairs, and the way she treated her husband, I had major commitment issues with her. Not that I ever cheated or anything like that, but just me wanting to move in there, and then to marry her was a major ordeal. Of course this hurt her in ways I can’t imagine, but I also had me to think about. I always told her if she ever treated me that way I would be out the door in a heartbeat.<p>Ok, to speed the story up, I will take you to one year ago. We are married, and living together. Things weren’t exactly peachy, part from my end because of what I mentioned earlier, the doubt and mistrust, and her confirming that with every major argument we got into, telling me how much better joe blow at work is than me, and how he has money, wants to take care of her, blah blah blah. This had been going on for years. It also affected other parts of the marriage like me not wanting to have anything ‘joint’, because I was afraid she would cheat on me. Not that I thought she was having an affair at this time. But, what happened is she actually called the guy with the intent on starting something. I found out about it a couple days later, and I moved out. Drastic step I know, but given the history of this woman, I thought maybe this would shock her into changing her ways (all of them). I never really wanted to be apart from her, but she just didn’t ever seem sincere to me in her remorse for doing the things she did.<p>Of course, me not living there just made things worse than I could have ever imagined. We still saw eachother on a regular basis (soul mates) and still tried to work on things. It just never really clicked back into place. She also had an affair at this time which I wouldn’t find out about until just recently (this was a different guy than the one I mentioned earlier from her work). She of course lied about the whole thing, until I found hard evidence about it. According to her, “it would have just hurt me to say anything”.<p>Ok fast forward to January of this year. She winds up pregnant. At this point I am fairly sure it was by me. We were still having our problems, and I was very confused at this point on what should be done. Eventually, I started coming around to the idea that this was the woman I was going to have a child with, and I needed to make it work. Too little too late. The baby died two weeks or so later, after about 3 months of her carrying.<p>She blamed me for the babies death, stating that the undue stress I caused her killed our child (from me not living there and being indecisive about the whole thing). The doctor says that this sort of thing happens a large percentage of the time (40-60%) and it is by no means anyone’s fault, but she is not convinced of this. She has told me part of her died when the baby died, and after the rest of the story I tell you, I think the part of her that died was the part that loved me.<p>At this point I am trying my hardest to be there for her and to make things work. She is so mad (and of course back to drinking) that she doesn’t want me around. About 4 days after she lost the baby, she calls up joe blow from her work (the first guy I mentioned). I had gone over to her place that night to try and plead to her once again and tell her I am there for her. I see the strange car in the driveway, walk up to the door, look in the window, and catch her in a compromising position with joe blow. I pound on the door, and she scatters with this guy, and turns off all the lights. She finally comes back and opens the door (drunk). I beg and plead with her not to do this, and she basically tells me to get bent and slams the door in my face. He stayed the night there. <p>The next day she is telling me how sorry she is, and how wrong it was to do this. I was trying to be there, and make sure she knew I wanted things to work. It took about 3 weeks of me hanging around and working with her to finally get her to come around. This whole time I had been suppressing my feelings about the adultery. So, I made a huge mistake when she finally said she wanted to work on things. I started asking all kinds of questions about the affair…..you know the questions I asked if you have been cheated on. This of course did nothing but drive her further away, and things started looking worse. I didn’t feel like she showed enough remorse, and she felt like I wouldn’t leave her alone about it.<p>Well, to sum it up, the same thing happens again this last week….with a DIFFERENT guy. I catch her, knock on the door, beg and plead to this drunk woman, and she kicks me out and proceeds to have sex with this guy. Then the same thing, apologizes the next day, shows about 10 minutes worth of sorry, then two hours later tells me that she wants a divorce cause “she doesn’t know what to do anymore, or where to turn”.<p>I know what you are all thinking. Get rid of her. Leave. We have no kids together, I am not living there, so there is nothing tying me to her. I am 32 and could be having the time of my life being single. Ah, the ‘soul mate’ thing. As much as I want this to go away, I cannot make it leave my heart. I have always been drawn to her, and no matter how I try and explain it here, none of you will understand, unless you have been in the same situation. This woman is like a drug for me, and she has always been that way. Only the drug is killing me. I have a quote I remember reading somewhere. “I would die without you, yet it is killing me to be with you”.<p>Of course, there is a lot more to this story, but most of you don’t want to read a novel. I will give one bit of advice tho…if your wife ever comes to you and tells you she wants to “experiment” with women, do everything in your power to convince her otherwise. I believe when I agreed to this, it opened dark doors that should have remained closed. <p>At this point I am so hurt, and so far in a hole, I don’t know what to do. I have had thoughts go thru my head that I never thought I could ever think of. Can’t sleep, have nightmares when I do, get physically sick during the day, can’t eat, have the shakes, moody, cry to all my friends, and the ‘equipment’ doesn’t work right anymore.<p>I am doing my best to try and stay occupied, but because I got laid off a couple of months ago, the days are very lonely, and at night all my friends are tired of me bothering them to go and do something.<p>I am also doing my best to try and stay away from her. She told me the last time I talked to her that she would consider counseling for the both of us, and she is writing me e-mails telling me how confused she is. Yet, at this point, I have to wonder why she even talks to me at all? All the roles that I filled in her life are taken up by someone else (this latest affair is her ‘best friend’). Why would she even want me around anymore? I am thinking she likes the game of it all…..I know that she has told me time and time again on how she could get her ex husband back whenever she wanted.<p>Like I said at the start….you will wonder about my sanity. I guess I am not really looking for anything from you guys n gals…..but maybe someone can read this like I have read the other posts, and gain some insight.<p>Thanks for listening to my pain.<p>Dave

WOW...that was some post!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I think it's important that you realize many of her problems are issues she had looooooong before she ever met you. Until she realizes that and decides that no one can make her happy that she needs to do that for herself, she'll continue these behaviours. The miscarriage is no ones fault...sadly, these things just happen (have had two myself). She needs to justify her own behaviour so is blaming you for all her misfortunes. You need to take care of yourself now...stay strong and healthy to deal with all of this. Hopefully, she will come to her senses and deal with her EN.

Dave you made a mistake by getting entangled with this woman. Why compound the mistake by staying married to her.

Dave<p>If you say "soul mates" one more time... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I don't believe in this. You shouldn't either. That's not to say that this woman isn't "worth it" to someone, maybe even you, to spend the effort to help them through their problems. And problems she has aplenty. At this point, it's minutely encouraging that she's interested in getting counseling. You should be supportive of this as much as you can be. But you should also get counseling yourself. I would also back off from her as much as you can and let her sort her life out on her own (and with a counselor), assuming she can. <p>Read all you can from this website, and post to this forum for more advice (we're not professionals, but many of us are going through the pain of our spouse's infidelity). Don't expect much from your wife, until she's pulled her head out of her nether regions. Since you don't have kids together, and you're still young, the simplest thing to do would be to end the marriage and start over with someone else. But even if you do that, I would strongly recommend you get counseling for yourself, so you'll be a better husband. Affairs are solely the responsibility of the affairees, but people typically choose to have them to meet needs that they believe they aren't getting filled by their spouses. So, yes, you are responsible for a share of the problems in your marriage, but you are NOT responsible for your wife's affairs.<p>Hope this helps.<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: 2long ]</p>

I'm not frequently on JFO, but this story is a real doozie!!<p>korn, this is a site for marriage building, I will admit. But I do need to point out a couple of obvious points that seem to be pointing you towards... well, it's your choice...<p>1. You were an OM. You were in an affair with this woman, and so the whole "soul mate" and "addiction" thing comes along with that territory.<p>2. In a "normal" affair, the parties will eventually turn on each other, using the same thoughtlessness and deceit that went into making the affair in the first place. That's happened here, now - finally. You might be "trying", but it takes two to make it work. Affairs are really symptoms of deeper problems, as you're clearly observing.<p>3. As the passion of the A begins to die off, there's nothing left there to support it. Sure, you and this woman got married... but you've got to look at the circumstances and conditions involved too. Was it a REAL marriage? Would you honestly say you'd do it again in a heartbeat? That you wouldn't give up a moment of your life with her? Before you answer...<p>4. The natural high that goes along with affairs is based on fantasy. As reality takes roost - love bank withdrawals are going to occur (for terminology, refer to material on this site). In a normal relationship, you'd see these things as major warning signs... you'd think clearly... think "geeze, I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life"... but in an A, it's a toxic scenario - a make-up, break-up cycle, etc. So your whole "soul mate" thing is based on the same stuff that goes into making affairs - it starts as fantasy, but in your case, you believed it strongly enough to tolerate it right through into reality.<p>5. Given 4, one option you have is to end your marriage. Yup, I said it. It would be to end it humanely, break all contact with her, go through a painful period of withdrawal, and then move on (after some counseling, reading, self-examination). My guess is this... after going through such an experience, you might see the world differently. You might even breath a sigh of relief. I don't know - just speculating.<p>Now, I'm not saying "don't try" to make the M work. I'm saying that if you want to do so, you've got an incredible journey ahead. Probably worse than many if not most here. You're dealing with someone who clearly has NOT dealt with ANY of the issues they carried forward from their first M. Yes... your instincts where dead on, my friend... Oh well, hindsight is 20-20.<p>It appears that her issues don't relate to a single individual - she's willing to have a PA with many men, by the sounds of it. Might want to do some reading on SA.<p>Good luck! You can get a lot of good advice / reading / support from here.<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: J.R. ]</p>

Thank you all for reading my story. I appreciate all the advice I am getting. <p>I do want to say that my story was greatly compressed, and there are plenty of things I have done wrong in the relationship (like you say 2long). I just didn't think any of the things I did deserved me being cheated on even once, let alone multiple times.<p>I keep thinking tho about one thing....how do you (whoever has been cheated on) get over the images in your brain? After I caught her with this last one, and she told me to leave, I went around to the bedroom window and listened long enough to know what was going on. Yes, I actually heard the wonderful noises and all that goes with having sex. <p>Why did I do this? Partly because when she booted me out, she said she wasn't going to have sex with the guy. Partly because I knew she was lying to me when she said this, and I wanted to know for sure if she was actually going to go thru with it. Yes, she lied about the whole thing the next day, and told me nothing happened. I told her I heard what happened, and she says "what you think happened, and what actually happened are two different things". She did finally come clean with me, whatever her reasoning was, since she still lies to me about all the other affairs.<p>Have any of you ever caught your spouse in the act? Seen what has happened? Heard what happened? If so, how do you get that out of your brain? How do you recover from your spouse doing/saying things to the other person, that they used to say/do to you? It makes me feel unwanted, inadequate, and about 2000 other negative things I can't voice.<p>Sorry for all the 'venting'. I am just trying to get a grip on reality and understand.<p>Thanks<p>Dave

Dave:<p>Yes, there are people on this forum that have gone through catching their WS having sex with the OP. It makes getting past the "movies" playing your mind all the more difficult. I am not one of these people, and my W had only had sex with her OM a handful of times during her 2 As with him, and the last one was almost a year ago now, but I still have images of them together that turn my stomach. Maybe it's just me, but I think if I had caught them, that would likely have been the last time I'd have communicated with my W, other than through a lawyer. In your case, it really sounds like her problems are so ingrained that it may be impossible for you to help her at all. She'll have to help herself (if she wants to and can). Again, the simplest thing to do in that situation would be to cut your losses.

Dave,<p>Normally, I would tell you to read the material here. It wouldn't hurt, but the real problem is that what has happened is not a surprise and is not ameanable to the sort of work that is done here.<p>That doesn't mean it couldn't work, but given your W's issues and how the marriage started I suspect many other things need to be addressed. I note that you really haven't decided to work on the marriage either. This observation leads me to the following comment.<p>My uneducated guess is that this woman is your "soulmate" because she is safe. You have never really committed to her and you won't because you KNOW that she will behave exactly as she has done. Therefore, you have a straighforward way out of the relationship. A relationship that you really took no effort to commit to.<p>I am not trying to sound harsh here, but it seems to me that this marriage is over for a variety of reasons one of which is that YOU never committed to it to begin with. You are young (32) and you have no children with this woman. My recommendation is that you get into counseling to find out why you would choose a woman of her caliber. You knew from the beginning that she would act this way and she has. Why did you get into this marriage. I am sure the sex was good, but little else resembled a marriage.<p>You need to find the answers to these questions within yourself or you will very likely find another woman just like her. THey are out there and available as you well know. Frankly, this woman has big problems and so do her friends and co-workers. It is one thing to have an affair another to have sex with a woman when the H is around.<p>My advice leave, get help for yourself, and maybe you will learn the real reason such a woman attracts you. You do need to know if you ever hope to have a successful relationship.<p>Think about it.<p>JL

Thanks once again guys. You are much appreciated.<p>Dave

Kornflake, I can't believe this story yet I can. You choose a woman that really must turn you on but at what cost to yourself. Why did you marry her ? to save her or did you need someone to save. I can tell you that our friends here have given you very good advice , you need to run from this destructive relationship. Oh! I forgot... don't look back. I feel most for the children that will be growing up with this desfunctional human being as a mother. Please call social services and give them the heads up on her , do it for the kids. If you stay it will be certain that she will bring you down. Be your own best friend and stay away.

Thanks adams.<p>To answer your questions, yes, I connected physically with this woman like no other before her. Now that everything has happened tho, there is no way we could ever return to that state. I guess I am kind of a neanderthal in that, now that someone(s) has been there, I no longer want to be in that same place. If you can understand that...<p>Why did we get married? *sigh* Well, to be honest, I am not proud of why we did. I guess we did because it was something that she wanted, and something I wasn't sure about (because of above commitment issues). We finally did because I wanted to make her happy. No, scratch that. I think I did because I wanted to keep what we had going. The whole passion of our relationship.<p>As far as child services, well, I do have loads of animosity, but this is something I wouldn't do to her unless she actually abused her kids. Unless you call bringing strange men home abuse. Their father is still very much in their lives, and I can always see the kids thru him (since we actually talk to eachother).<p>And I did finally tell her today that she needs something more than I can give her, and that we need to go our seperate ways. I just cannot believe anything else she says to me, without thinking she is lying. And that is no way to live for her OR me. As hard as it is, I need to heal from all this. And being on this sight has helped me tremendously. I wish you ALL a heartfelt 'thank you'. You have all helped me more than you will know with your life stories.<p>Thanks again.<p>Dave
dave@kornflake.com
(just in case anyone needed to contact me)

Dave,<p>I understand the pain you're going through, I really do. I've been in the position of being in love with the wrong person, so I'm very familiar with the way you feel. From the first eye contact we had, I thought he and I were put on earth to be together (soul mates, as you said). I'd never met anyone so "perfect" for me. The great people here on the MB site have made me realize that I didn't want to see what he really was...a liar, cheater and worse. They helped me realize that I was looking at him through a "fog" I created...I wasn't seeing the real him, I was seeing what I wanted him to be, because of the intense love I had for him. Even though he hurt me tremendously, I still couldn't stop loving him, and still wanted to be with him. And yes, part of it is an "addiction" too. And that "withdrawal" hurts so very much. For me, it was the worse pain I could ever imagine, and it is still there. Although I'm dealing with it day by day, I don't think it will ever go away. <p>I guess the bottom line is that there will always be love in your heart for your wife. No matter what happens there will always be a special place for her. No one can ever take that away from you. When someone touches your heart in a such a special way, that feeling is always going to be with you. Even though I know I can no longer be with the guy I love, he is still in my heart and always will be. <p>But you have to think about you, too. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, as well. You sound like a caring guy and deserve someone who appreciates you and shares the same feelings as you do. Maybe when we love someone so much, we tend to cheat ourselves out of what we really deserve. We want to focus on them so much, that we lose sight of what we need, and even become their "doormat" because they know how much we care about them. <p>I hope this makes a bit of sense, I apologize if it doesn't. It's late and I need to get some sleep, but I read your post and wanted to give you some encouragement on doing whatever you need to do. I can't offer alot of advice, but I do share your pain. Take care and hugs.

You know that things will get better. You seem like a good person and your 'soul-mate' needs to realize that.
I made <a> mistake(s) in cheating on my mate(my soul-mate) numerous times in the past and will regret it until the day I die. I never meant to hurt him like I did. I suggested counseling but I am afraid that I am too late to repair my relationship.
We aren't hearing your wife's side of it but I'll bet that even though she doesn't show it she does feel badly...how can she feel otherwise?
Do be true to yourself but also listen to your heart.
-D

Hey, it's now my 32nd birthday. blah<p>djmusicbox, thank you so much for posting. What you said actually made me cry (which I don't normally do - I am an emotional wreck). Every word you said made entire sense to me. I take comfort in knowing someone else knows what I am going thru.<p>This site is a God send for me (and I am not religious). I was thinking that if we were all sitting in a room together, how many of the posts would actually come out in spoken word? My guess is not that many. Typing your feelings on a message board is a whole lot easier than talking to a complete stranger face to face. It lets us talk about our emotions without actually having to 'confide' in someone we don't know. It lets us speak our emotions, gather our thoughts, and 'put them on paper' so to speak. Then we get the added benefit of someone reading it, and possibly give their best advice. <p>But I digress.<p>Deseree2002, I thank you also. Even now, she is still writing me e-mails. I do get a sense of her being sorry, but then in the next sentence it will be sarcastic (and not in a good way). I honestly don't think that until she either seeks help, or goes thru one failed relationship after another, and then gets help, will she fully understand what you do now. Then again, I have been known to be wrong on occasion. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When you say you aren't hearing my wife's side of it, I completely agree. There are two sides to every story, and somewhere inbetween is the truth. I tried to be as fair and non-judgemental as I possibly could with my story. As a matter of fact, I copied and pasted the text of my story to her in one of the e-mails I sent to her. I could have done nothing but flame her in my posts, but like I said, I truely love her, and that is something I couldn't do to her.<p>Anyway, basically I told her that I was no longer going to be a 'doormat' like dj says. Maybe one day she will come to the full realization of what she did. For now I just want to heal.<p>Thanks once again, you have all helped me beyond what I can say.<p>Dave

djmusicbox-<p>Can you send me an e-mail? I have some things I want to ask you. If you want to continue posting here, that is fine also.<p>Thanks<p>Dave

Ok, I told myself I wasn't going to do this. I told myself I wasn't going to post here because I wanted to be strong in my resolve. I also hate taking away time from anyone else's posts who may need help more than I. So I will try and make this quick.<p>I am so confused. Last night we had e-mailed back and forth numerous times. Last night she actually called me. Hung up on me after getting upset, but then called me back to apoligize.<p>The e-mails weren't all that pleasant, from either end really. In one mail she tells me how she no longer wants to hurt me, in the next she brings up the miscarriage/commitment issue, and asks "if I blame her for turning to other people?" Basically still justifying her actions. A lot of the common 'cheater' phrases I have read here, she says exactly these things.<p>She eventually called me (I was surprised), and said she couldn't sleep, and how much she missed me. It would have been so easy to drive down there (we live like 2 miles apart) but I didn't. We had more of this unproductive conversation. I can tell that even tho she is telling me sorry, and wants to work on things, she *still* lies and omits things. Why is it so hard for a cheater to tell the truth? I feel that if she just came clean with me about everything, I could heal faster. If she just came out and told me about ALL the cheating, maybe I actually could start to trust her again....? Her response when I asked her to tell me about everything was, "If we go into counciling I will tell you." I want to trust her. I want to believe what she is saying. She just can't come out with it. And I don't think counciling will help her with coming clean to me. At least, joint counciling.<p>Some of you may wonder how I know she lies. Well the most obvious reason is that she has proven it to me, but the biggest reason is because I read her like a book. I usually am pretty good with details (should have been a cop) but I can *tell* when something is not quite right with her. Whether it be her telling the truth, or her feeling bad about something. Hard to explain. Anyway, for some reason my ability to do this is more pronounced with her than anyone else (probably because we were so close at one time).<p>So, back to the riddle. Yes, even after all the poo that has been slung my way, I am still wanting her to come clean so I feel I can trust her again, and maybe even possibly make this work. Yes, I know I am a sap (it's my most endearing quality - haha).<p>Thanks for listening to me whine once again.<p>Dave

Dave:<p>There's nothing wrong with wanting to help this woman out. She is/was, after all, your W. Be careful, though. When your emotions are involved, it's very hard to be helpful. Similarly, her emotions are all over the map right now, and she can't see out of this well she's gotten herself into without professional help. <p>Definitely support her desire to get into counseling. <p>Stay in contact with her IF you can continue to be civil about it, at least on your end. You've been reading here, so by now you know about plan A. Work on that, work on YOU, and if there's any hope for this M, she'll see the changes in you and be willing to prove to you that she's willing to change her behavior. Having said all that, I still hark back to your original posts and wonder, even now, if there's really any hope here. If you think so, and you're ready for a very rough, long, hard ride, by all means work on it. But focus on YOU, because you'll have to become a better husband wether you stay married to her or eventually marry someone else.

Thanks 2long.<p>I can tell by your posts that you are an intelligent person. I wish I could buy you a beer [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I did find out that she actually made her way to this site a day or so ago. She has been reading things, and tells me that she is ill over what she has done. Says she is shouldering some of the responsibility (which she never has done before). Says she is going to get help because she is starting to understand how detrimental her actions have been. I am still so skeptical about what she says tho....knowing her, those feelings will last about a week before she dismisses them.<p>I will try my hardest to encourage her to get the help she needs. At this point tho, my contact with her is minimal, so my hope for anything good to happen is all but nil.<p>Thanks once again 2long. You are appreciated more than you know.<p>Dave

Hi Kornflake! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Just thought I'd bump you to the top. Hope things are going well. Take care!

Thanks DJ....

Well, a quick update. She had told me she wanted 'time apart', until both of us could do some 'healing'. Said she never meant to hurt me, felt bad, blah blah blah.

I found out that what she really meant was that she wanted time apart so she could persue joe blow. Funny how that's exactly what the site says happens.

So, I called her, left a message, and told her I had my half of the money for the D. It was obvious to me that all of her words about sorry and feel bad weren't true (surprise!).

She called me back. Funny, she was more concerned about how I knew she was seeing joe blow than she was about getting D.

And still the sap, I was hoping she would somehow see this is the end, and maybe she would try and make an effort in saving the M. Of course, nothing of the sort happened.

Anyway, I guess this is it. Papers will soon be filed, and maybe I can someday forget any of this ever happened to me.

Dave