Making the long-story short:<p>H and I separted Dec 2000, he said he was unhappy==found out he was leaving to pursue someone else whom he felt 'understood' him. <p>He came back 3 wks later after much talking and negotiation.<p>August-Dec of 2001 I had an affair with the h of a close friend.<p>We have worked our problems out for the most part and we are both committed to the marriage.<p>Friday, h had a really good buzz going after drinking a considerable amount of Crown Royal and turned to me and said "So, it's okay if I had sex with someone else while we were separated." I must have looked strangely at him because he suddenly got the "Ohmigod, what did I say?" look on HIS face. Come to find out he had sex twice with a stripper at the club where the gf of his friend worked. <p>I don't know how I feel. I would be such a hypocrite to be angry with him since I, too, had an a--after we had reconciled. He claims it doesn't count because we were separated and at the time, he had no plans to ever reconcile. I guess I feel kind of hurt and disgusted. He did tell me that it was only sex (even tho she came around to his friend's place a couple of weeks after we were back together looking for him) and that he has never 'made love' to anyone but me and that loving makes all the difference in SF. With which I agree---otherwise, it's just sex. I'm also shocked that the man I married could actually have sex in a public place....that's just weird to me. <p>He has had no contact with either of the women since we've been back together--I'm sure of it. <p>I just don't know what to think...it threw me for a loop because I thought he was the only one in the EA with the one---I had convinced myself that he had done nothing physical with anyone else. <p>I also guess I feel less guilty about the a I had now--to be quite honest...kind of like his guilt (I consider separated still married, thank you)makes mine not so bad.<p>Any feedback?

Well,
Technically, you have no choice but to forgive if you yourself want to be forgiven as well.<p>What an evil circle this took.<p>I agree, seperated is still married....my husband had 3 affairs while we were seperated with the first one being within one month of us seperating. We both agreed upon seperation not to involve a third person as we were attempting to reconcile immediately, just moved apart to have our own space. I recently (within 3 weeks) have found out not only about the one, but an additional two. The hurt is unbelievable. <p>But.....you cannot forgive just a portion of this....all or none...and your forgiveness will be measured by what you give. Good Luck.<p>My husband and I are trying to work it out and one of the OW refuses to quit calling him. I have since left a vmail on her system for her to please quit calling.....my husband protects their identity and that more than me. Its all a dangerous game. Trust is a biggie and very hard to earn back...

Thanks, you are right. I guess I am very lucky in that one of the OW was deported and the other moved out of state. I KNOW he has had no contact.<p>At least I don't have to deal with that.