hi I'm new to this. I searched the web and found it. I am a chronically unfaithful SO. have been going together for 3 years. lived together for 1. <p>I travel alot and have a weakness for beautiful women when my SO is not around. We have been working on our relationship and I love her very much but I stray when an opportunity arises.<p>I get my PN and EN met when I stray. When we are together she meets my needs but maybe I have insatiable needs and It's easier to get them met when I want when she's not there. <p>I haven't had intercourse with anyone but have come very close. That is where I drew the line. <p>i DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HER. HELP, I'MM TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN BUT CAN'T STOP CHEATING.<p>thanks

Welcome unfaithful1...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>...it's geared toward the infidelity aspects that many come here for.<p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies).<p>...and its a good place to start off with... for the basic concepts.<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
...why?....
...because at some point in time you will confront your SO... with the facts...
...and you need to show her... your progress started... NOW!<p>Counsling (for at least yourself)...
...in very much in order!<p>If you can't remain faithful to her though...
...be fair...
...separate now... and let her find a partner who can really value "marriage" in a covenental sense.<p>Learn to accept singleness...
...as a gift to be a gift to everyone.<p>Don't let the satisfication of your Personal needs/Emotional needs...
...be the driving force in your life!
Don't let your 'i DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HER'...
...be a cry for you!
Instead... say... and think...
..."let me do all I can for her!"!!!<p>Don't let the satisfication of your Personal needs/Emotional needs...
...be the driving force in your life!
Because... THAT IS NOT PLAN A!...
...nor any kind of healthy relationship!<p>The one thing that is frequently said about Wayward Spouses(WS)...
...is that they(WS) are self-centered... self-focused... self-indulgent... and self-ish!<p>If you are grounded... in some faith...
...use it as a spring-board to turning your "self" around...
...and think... and work... for others first!... That's what Plan A is all about... Charlie Brown... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You and SO... have my prayers.<p>BTW: I hope your not living together (with your SO)...
...it increases the chance for a divorce... after marriage... astronomically!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

Have you considered counseling? If you continue in the course, you will lose her. Eventually you will hook up with the wrong person, and she will find out the hard way. <p>Does she know you stray?

Good stuff, Jim!<p>unfaithful1: Boy, I would have a hard time living with myself if I had to choose THAT for my username!!!<p>If you love your SO, PLEASE tell her about this problem of yours! She deserves to know the truth about you, warts and all. How can she make an informed decision about being with you without information that will impact her ability to be intimate with you? (on all levels, not just physically).<p>I know you are probably afraid that the truth will drive her away. It might, but continuing to lie (NOT telling her about this is lying by omission) to her over possibly years almost certainly WILL drive her away. <p>I know that many people "draw the line" at intercourse, but you should redraw that line to include ANYTHING you say or do with other people that you KEEP SECRET from your SO as having an affair. Harsh? Yep. Life is like that. If you find that, after you've told your SO about this, you are so lucky as to still have a SO to share your life with, you will be one of the lucky people that realize how truly fulfilling a completely honest, intimate relationship with another person (excluding ALL others) can be. <p>I wish you all the best.

good advice, thanks.<p>she knows about 1 previous A. She suspected it and I confessed it to her. It was very devestating to her. I didn't communicate to her my unmet needs but that is what drove me to look elsewhere. I ended the A with her full knowledge and input. <p>In an unrelated matter later in the relationship I asked her to move out. Again i felt unmet needs and felt the relationship was way out of balance. I again probably didn't communicate this to her. To be honest, I am not aware of my feelings until later on when I look back and analyze it.<p>We both dated. My dating was more frequent. We continued to be very close and intimate. Finally we agreed to start a plan A about 2 months ago. I called and e-mailed all of my dates and told them I was trying to reconcile with my girlfriend and that I needed to stop corresponding. <p>My SO suggested we use some relationship books and seek counceling. We are both aware of my tendency to stray.<p>I realized about halfway thru those books that I needed more specific help. <p>working on it.<p>[ June 25, 2002: Message edited by: unfaithful1 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>How do I tell a beautiful woman who is coming on to me when I am 1000's of miles away from my SO, that I am in a committed relationship and no thank you I'd rather sleep alone tonight? I guess the guilt and shame I am feeling should be convincing enough, but it is a tough struggle. I also wouldn't want her to be doing what I am doing. <hr></blockquote><p>You tell that beautiful woman just that, you are flattered, but you are in a commited relationship, and I would rather sleep alone. <p>How does the guilt and shame feel for not telling her this?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>should I call the OW I just met and tell her the truth and then never call her again as long as I'm with my SO. Or just never call her again? <hr></blockquote><p>You have to decide -
How much does your SO mean to you? Honestly I would not call the OW. Many a man has not called when they said they would. She will get over it.
(Okay, I never liked being treated like that, but since I really didn't know the guy it didn't matter)

thanks I just ordered the book his needs, her needs.<p>A former church actually used the material for a marriage message. Bad news, the pastor recently separated.<p>[ June 25, 2002: Message edited by: unfaithful1 ]</p>

Ah...ha...<p>Seek out a "good" husband from that 'church'...<p>One married a number of years...
...maybe recommended by you church elders...
...maybe involved in the 'marriage' ministry...
...or someone else committed to "marriage"...
...maybe (or maybe not) the new pastor.<p>And ask... humbly ask... if he will let you call him in your time of weakness...
If he is a true christian witness...
...he will help.<p>If this is not an option...
...consider Promise Keepers or Covenant Keepers...
...as a resource!<p>There is much to learn... before you get married...
...before you get married... in front of God...
...before you commit... in front of God.<p>Have you really thought about your role...
...in the marriage?
Have you thought at all about your future W's role?
Are you willing to discuss this with your SO?
Are you willing to discuss your role with God... to your SO?... and her role too?<p>Acknowledge not just your "weaknesses"...
...but make a commitment to overcome them! (Plan A)<p>Without that commitment to change...
...realize you are not ready to "give yourself" to a W...
...take time to mature... spiritually...
...mentally... in relationship to God and everyone you come in contact with...<p>...oh yes... that is... Plan A!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Maybe you're addicted to sex.