I am writing this to everyone that tried to talk sense into me and met with a stubborn brick wall.<P>I'm sorry I frustrated so many of you .<P>I'm so sorry I have stayed so self involved.<P>I wrote my H a letter while at work, when I read it back it sounded like a suicide note. That scared me to death. I told him about this, but that is all the action that has been taken by either of us.<P>I am sick. I know I need help.<P>I find myself thinking more and more about just being able to close my eyes and never having to open them again.<P>I feel that one more insult or belittling comment or attitude, or ignored need will lead me over the edge, but maybe on the other side of the edge I will find rest.<P>I feel I need to make some definite decisions in my life. The first one I am going to make is to seek other avenues. I'm not sure what avenue I will take, whether one toward healing or toward completely giving up.<P>What I have been doing is not working so I have to try something different.<P>Again I say I'm sorry. I have failed to allow you to be my friends. I have failed to allow you to help me.<P>

We are here for you, and no apology is necessary!<P>I can't remember, but are you seeing a therapist or doctor?? Honey, you're depressed, and there is <B>no shame</B> in getting some help!<P>If you are seriously feeling suicidal, please call someone close by who can help you - it may be a friend, a family member, or even a suicide hotline. I never take these things lightly... promise that you will find some help, okay??<P>You are forgiven, you are forgiven, you are forgiven... never forget that!<P>Much love being sent your direction!!!<BR>

Essyboo,<P>Listen to new_beginning. There is nothing to be sorry for and no shame here.<P>Get yourself to the doc. You ssure do sound depressed. There is so much going on in y0ur life and you are just overloaded. Sometimes the spirit is willing, but the mind just won't cooperate....<P>Cut yourself some slack, Essyboo. It's OK to feel overwhelmed some times....BUT - now get to the doc and get some meds so you can start enjoying life, again!!!!!!!!<P>Rol Me Away <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>