Wish my wife had written this already... I took a crack at one because we are planning on doing this and I wanted to know and think about what I wanted it to say.<p>________________________________________<p>
To:<p>I have behaved in a selfish and inconsiderate way that has resulted in much pain to both of our families. I know that marital reconciliation with my husband is the right thing to do, but will never fully repay the heartache I have caused. I deeply care about him and want things to work out so we can have a family and realize all of our dreams together. To protect him, I have decided and been required to break off all contact with you. All things considered, I think it is best that our families break off all contact as well. This decision, this promise to not ever contact you in any way, direct or indirect, is for life. I am so sorry for what I have done to my and your family. I ask that you respect my promise and never seek to contact me. I will refuse any such attempts to contact me and notify Eric immediately. <p>I am trying to do the right thing and set my family and my life straight. I have been completely honest with my husband about everything. He knows everything. The selfish and inconsiderate damage that I have caused can never be fully repaired but breaking off all contact is the first step towards a rebuilding of trust. I hope that in time you can forgive me.<p>Sincerely,

Excellent...hope you dont mind...I copied it for ideas for ours.....

No problem. Glad to be of help. The website mentions it several times but never really outlines it, just pieces here and there. <p>Maybe I'll reactivate this thread and post the actual letter when it's time.

Im going to show it to H and see what he thinks....I want closure so bad.

As a no contact letter this seems a bit over the top to me. Much more like an apology letter to you, rather than a no contact letter. As the BS, I would have loved to get this letter myself. I suspect my WH would have found this entirely too humiliating to send.<p>That aside, I would edit it slightly:<p><<To protect him, I have decided and been required to break off all contact with you. All things considered, I think it is best that our families break off all contact as well.>><p>should be:<p>>>I have decided to break off all contact with you. I think it is best that our families break off all contact as well.<<<p>It comes across more as her idea, rather than something you are making her do.

You're absolutely right. I wrote this. I'm extremely curious to see what my wife writes. I plan on giving her Dr. Harley's suggestions, giving her time to write it, and then seeing what we shall see. Her letter, I suspect and would take bets as follows (based on conversation last night):<p> - 50% chance of it being a "I hate you and never want to see you again" (vengeful breakup letter)
- 30% chance of it being "I'm sorry for the things we did together" (bittersweet farewell style)
- 9% chance of it being what I wrote. (sincere recognition and apology to ALL affected parties)
- 9% chance of it being loaded with subtle innuendos of how much she misses him (I'm being forced to do this against my will style).
- 2% chance of it being a heads up to him to expect full disclosure from our church so that he had better come clean to his wife (I have to say good-bye forever but you're still in my heart and I don't want to hurt you because... <I love you> style). <p>Guess which ones I hope for.

You know.....all situations are different...but Im not going to allow my H to write a letter...I think if he acknowledges what was truly a weekend fling....with that of a letter...will give more value to the relationship to the OW than what she deserves...I think with his phone number changed and no response....that she might get the hint....Im now worried about the post office and her dropping by.....will it end....ever.....<p>Hopefully she'll write the one from her heart that allows her to accept responsibility for the affair, the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and the courage to end it with no strings attached and no lost love attitude...<p>I know that I feel like I took my husbands favorite toys away....still do.....sickening...

On D-Day, I asked her to write me a letter of apology. 8 days latter she finally finished it and read it to me today on the phone. It was actually quite touching and sincere. She has a long road ahead of her, but I'm glad I can vent a bit on this website instead of at her. <p>When emotions are spiking all over the place, things can get confused. Remember, it's not just your husband who had the affair. If he cuts off contact with the OM, she'll start to go through withdrawal as well. Far better to send a letter requesting no contact and formally terminating the relationship than to risk her seeking out contact with your husband. You already know he has this weakness in him. Do you trust him to tell her he doesn't want contact when she's standing there begging him to hold her? <p>A disturbing image I'm sure, but in writing these things, they become more real. You can always contest WHAT WAS SAID, but the written word is infinitely more powerful and much harder to rationalize. Remembering break up letters I wrote to girls when dating in high school, I think it is vital for closure for all parties - me, my wife, him, his family. You can always take back spoken words and say your were confused... you can't take back written words. <p>Good luck. I suggest you read more of Dr. Harley's comments about this.<p>[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</p>

In the end, I want to send the letter because I don't trust my wife to tell him in a private conversation, I don't want them talking in private, and I want this A over, done, finished. My wife's last moment with the OM was a passionate, tender good-bye where he was moving across the country, they both knew their spouses were getting suspicious, etc. The reasons were wrong. If we got a letter from him that would work too, but otherwise there is no closure in my wife's situation... just a tender good-bye and the promise of continued love. <p><gags at the images>

And, I need to be able to prove that my wife is a chronic liar if we end up divorced. A letter breaking off contact, followed by proven contact, proves many things to me... and to a court.

Your right again....I never looked at it like that....<p>I do still hold onto all of my husbands letters of apologies....but I hold onto the phone numbers as well so I can see if there is contact...I dont want one last look or kiss....I want it gone...over with...<p>With the number changed...I can see this OW showing up at his door or writing a letter.....it makes me nauseous....<p>He said that he asked her to leave him alone...not while I was there....we did have this thing where I was on one line on one phone and she was on his other one and he was talking real nice to her almost as if he was patronizing me, to appease me, but yet, i felt it was too open ended...more like....Im doing this cause my wife is on the other line......<p>He has yet to leave a message in front of me or have a conversation with any of the OW in front of me. That is what Im leary of.....the fact that he might very well be leading them on at the same time....<p>I think Im going for the letter...one to me....and one to the OW that wont go away.....I hate to ask him, but he knows that closure is what is needed.

Tell him you need it for closure. That a written letter makes it more real. Don't say anything about anything else. If he stonewalls or questions your motives, just shrug and say it's what you would do were situations reversed and that he owes it to you. If he presses, my wife did for a reason why, tell him you want an apology not a documented record of the entire sordid thing. She owed it to me. He owes it to you.