Today is the month anniversary of catching my husband having an affair. No I did not catch him in the act but I was able to view his emails at work between the two of them and found out more than I ever needed to know. He met her thru the personals on the web and turned out that he knew her husband and then the rest is history. I agreed to let him stay although this is his second affair and he promises to never do it again but I just can't stop wondering if she is still a part of his life. I do not have access to his email at work but I would like to be able to see if she is still communicating with him thru the email at work. Is there a program that would allow me to spy on her email and who they are coming from or quite possibly get her aol password just to look if he is sending her mail still. I have all her phone numbers including husband and his work. I am hurting so badly inside and want to make this work but I am having a really hard time trying to be happy because I am so obsessed with finding out if he is being faithful or not. I can promise I will never have the chance to see his emails again although he says I am welcome to come look anytime...he very well could be hiding them in another file now. Help me?!!! I need all the advise I can get. We are scheduled to go on a family cruise (my brothers and wives and my elderly parents) without our two children over the 4th? How do I keep from obsessing over whether he is still cheating or if it is going to happen again?

Have faith.
Set a plan.
Follow the plan even if faith fails.
Build a contingency.
When the plan fails, put your feelings on auto-pilot and follow the contingency. <p>Ouch. Read the articles about cybersex addiction and either don't go on the cruise or have your husband come with you.

Welcome hurting in memphis...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>With the help of a counselor...
...get him to buy into accountability...<p>some quotes from... "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<hr></blockquote>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Any contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)<hr></blockquote>
What if the wayward spouse doesn't want to totally separate from the lover?
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)<hr></blockquote><p>If he is truly committed to recovery...
The need of extraordinary precautions may be taken to guarantee separation... (for your snaity)...

1. Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)
2. Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)
3. Accounting for time
4. Accounting for money
5. Spending leisure time together

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Easy access to a former lover must be avoided at all costs. (page 60 of SAA)<hr></blockquote>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>A secret life depends not only on hidden time, but also on hidden money. (page 62 of SAA)<hr></blockquote>
When there's less emotional attachment
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted. (page 65 of SAA)<hr></blockquote><p>Do go on the cruise with him...
...and use it as a perfect opportunity to Plan A!
Again see the crash course Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>Love and Peace and JOY.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

Hurting,
I have heard of such programs that retrieve things, but I have never used one. Surf the net and see what you can find and call some computer stores. I've seen some stuff about monitoring people on the net and their email/chat accounts. So check it out.
What is done in the dark, must come to light. So if you feel you must snoop, go ahead, but be prepared for him to get angry when confronted by you.
Sorry I could not be more helpful. God Bless!

I too had the doubts about my W and e-mail. I figured that she was not calling the OM, but she must be at least e-mailing or I might find out more if I could see her e-mail account. Fortunately I have the skills to get in and out of her account with out her knowledge. I debated it for a day or so until I finally took a look. I was not sure what to expect. What I found was nothing. No emails from or to OM. Just work related material. I now feel like a complete a$$ for doing it. She had promised me that she would stop it and I now belive she did. Time heals all wounds. I still hurt for what she did. I will for a while and so will you. But this too will pass.