Well, my suspicions were confirmed tonight. I am no longer dealing w/ one OW. Now, there are two.<P>One is an emotional, one is a physical.<P>I don't know why I just can't let go of this. He has filed for divorce. It should be GLARINGLY apparent that he just doesn't want me. He doesn't want to be a family.<P>I honestly don't know what to do. I have been praying for a miracle by the end of the year, but now, oh, I just don't know.<P>Why can't I just move on? What is my problem? Why am I trying so hard to pull this man back, when it seems so obvious he doesn't want to come back?<P>I told you this was a whine session. <P>I'm not crying- just really sad. Really, really sad. Now I;m not sure if I should do anything for Christmas.<P>Can somebody please help me here. I feel so lost. I know that my life will be full w/o him. I know that my D will survive this too. I do know that this is his conflict- his unresolved emotional problems.<P>So why can't I just let him go?????????<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>The same reason none of us can let go of our spouses...<BR>... our marriages <B>were</B> and <B>are</B> special! <P>A special gift from God...<BR>...now taken away by a cruel Satan. <P>I too feel that my W is heading strong down the divorce path...<BR>She called today... we had a slight disagreemnet... then a glimmer of hope at the end... she was going to take the kids to a Christmas party.... <P>... boy was I happy... <P>... a half-an-hour later... she calls back and cancels it... (got too much time to talk with Satan's helper(OM))... <P>Then... I have another encounter this Friday with OM and this time... both his kids... are coming to my daughter's Nutcracker recital... <B>yuck</B>... <P>A tough week/weekend ahead.<P>God will help... us all... <P>Jim

Jim,<P>Thanks for being so quick and for responding. I just dont know anymore. It seems so obvious now that he just doesn't want me or to be a family.<P>I realize that this is the work of Satan. I also know that God creates miracles. I have given myself until the end of the year ( a date that I set along time ago) and that date is fast approaching.<P>I wish I knew when to give up hope. For some reason I just can't do it. Maybe it's because we have a D. Maybe it's because I believed in my vows, and believe in family.<P>Thanks for listening. I am so whiny right now. I feel so.........YUK!<P>Sorry you are having an awful time too. The Satan is one busy devil.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<P>BTW, did you get my e-mail. Yahoo has been acting up on me. I'm not sure anyone is getting my mail.

Cheryl,<P>I feel bad fr you too... <P>I see your road... RWD's, MEDIC's. etc...<BR>heading down some rough teritory...<BR>Mine seems to be going that way too. <P>But I'm not giving up hope yet either. <P>I got your e-mail from 12/11 12:42:45 EST.<P>God take care of you...<BR>You are good... did you know that... <P>Goodnight good friend...<P>Jim

You have every reason to be one confused puppy!<P>I am so sorry.<P>You know what? I don't know why you can't let him go... but I know this. You are strong, and you won't give up until you're ready, and <B>only you know when that will be</B>. Hopefully, you won't have to... hopefully, he'll pull his head out from wherever it's been for the last year or so and realize what he's missing. But, God forbid, he doesn't, you will keep on keepin' on until one day, one moment, when it <B>hits you</B> and you will say, "okay, this is it". And you will be at peace with that decision. That day could be tomorrow, or Dec. 31st, or February 14, or July 2nd. Who knows? You hang on for as long as it takes to find the peace. Okay? You answer to nobody but yourself and God. <B>Your decision</B>. Be at peace.<P>As always, you are in my prayers. <P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon

Cheryl,<P>Do you really want to know what your problem is? You still love him! That, and I don't see it as a problem at all.<P>I filed for divorce too. She's not going to get out of this marriage quite that easy. I jumped the gun. I thought it would rattle her cage back to reality. Bad move on my part. <P>If you really want your marriage to survive, don't roll over and play possum. I will be dead for two years before I give up, yeah I know broken record. That's the way I feel. Come Hell or high water.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Hey Ceecee,<P>I've missed you. I havent been on myself the last few days - went to visit my parents.<P>I feel the same way you do. <BR>But I feel very strange saying that, as the feelings for him, about him, and concerning him seem to have vanished. They just went overnight. Don't know where, or how, they just did.<BR>But, last night, I just got this feeling that it is "not all over red rover" for us !!!<BR>It's quite bizarre, as he is moving full steam ahead with OW, she has now met his parents, etc etc.<P>But, I have this nagging feeling that just won't go away. It isn't over with us, and it isn't done with yet.<P>I don't think I am just clinging to hope, as I feel I let go quite a while ago.<P>My feelings on the matter are - if you don't want to let go, then don't. But at the same time, protect yourself. There has to come a time in these diabolical times we are all living, where we say, "enough is enough", I can't, and I don't want, to take any more of this bull.<P>I'm sorry I'm late to your post, I've been wondering how you are.<P>Hang in there, and hang on. Sometimes our gut feelings, and intuition, are so very right. (I guess sometimes they're wrong too, but we won't go down that path tonight!!)<P>My candles are lit, and I'm gradually discovering how to pray again. I will say a prayer for you now.<P>Take care of you, and big hugs<P>Jo

Hi, Cheryl. I'm late getting here, but I e-mailed you this morning.<P>Just hang in there, ok?<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

Jim-<BR>You are so kind to reach out to me, when you are in the same boat. GOd will reward you for all the kindness that you spread.<BR>You are a good friend.<P>Sheryl-<BR>Thank you for your wisdom. You are right about this being my decision. I guess, for whatever reason, I haven't reached 'that' point yet.<BR>I hope you are resting-as prescribed!!<BR>Thanks for your prayers- I will always take those.<P>Medic-<BR>You always put a smile on my face. I don't want my marriage to fail- it just seems so inevitable. I am not rolling over, but I am getting exhausted and am losing hope.<BR>Val is one lucky lady to have you- whether she sees that right now or not.<BR>Keep that sense of humor, my friend.<P>Bonnet-<BR>It is good to hear from you. I have been e-mailing you, but my system is not working well. I've been thinking about you too!! I'm glad that you spent some time w/ family. THat always helps me.<BR>I know what you mean about losing those feelings and the you get this burst of energy to try some more. I guess I am just stubborn enough to not give up- even if I should.<BR>I'll e-mail you later. I need to catch up on your life!!<P>Lori-<BR>My dear freind. What would I do w/ o you?? Sent you an e-mail.<P>Thank you my friends, for you encouragement and support. I don't know where I would be w/o all of you.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>Sorry you are so sad...there is nothing wrong with you. You are just grieving your losses - nd experiencing saddness is one of the stages in the grief process. This is probably made worse by the holidays.....<sigh> <P>I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you and all of us. Even if for only one day - one day we didn't have to deal with this and feel it....<P>Just know that we are here for you and CARE about you! <P>Praying for you today....that it will be a little easier than yesterday!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA-<P>Thank you for caring. I care about you too!!<P>I just need to remember that some times youre the windsheild, sometimes youre the bug!!<P>I am feeling better today. But, like you said, I am greiving.<P>Glad to hear about your date. Sounds like things may be looking up for you.<P>Thanks for the prayers.<BR>Cheryl

Ceecee:<P>Like the others said, there's nothing wrong with you. You're just not a quitter. You haven't quit on that love, even though H has. I think life is hardest on people who won't (or can't) quit. When all the odds are stacked against them, and everyone's telling them to let go, they just can't.<P>That's not a bad thing. That's a GOOD thing. You can't win if you're a quitter. Your H will someday realize that -- he quit on something that was worth saving. You'll be a better person for having tried and failed. Your H will probably repeat this saga over and over because he never really tried.<P>Chin up and hang tough! I admire your spirit and perserverence. You and your D will be happy again . . . you just have to go through this hell hole to get there. But the journey will be worth it.<P>Happy holidays (in spite of it all )<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well. It is difficult to understand our own feelings everything seems to point to giving up. I know you love your H and there were once such wonderful feelings between you. It is hard to even imagine that those feelings disappeared. I, myself, keep waiting for H to remember. Just believe in yourself. I'll keep praying for your Christmas miracle.

Cheryl--<P>You hang in there, darlin'. Medic told ya why you can't let go--you love him. <P>You'll know what to do, when the time is right. And you're strong enough to follow your heart.<P>{{{{{{{{{{xmas hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

Hi Lonestar-<P>I didn't think you were still around. It's good to hear from you. <BR>I always find such strength in your words and wisdom.<BR>Thanks for the compliment. I do know that I am going to make it through this hell hole, and on the other side is my rainbow.<BR>Thank you for caring.<BR>Merry Christmas to you and your family, too!!<P>studentwife-<P>Thank you for your support and prayers. I can only hope for that Christmas miracle. Wishing you a Merry Christmas as well.<P>Lucks,<P>Haven't heard from you in a while, either. Good to see you again. I know I still love him, even though part of me wonders why. Thanks for you encouragement and that Christmas hug- right back atch ya!!<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl