I am looking for some support through a difficult period right now. I have recently separated from my wife after I discovered that she was having an affair for the second time in less than a year.<p>We went to counseling after I found out about the first affair. She wasn't too receptive and stopped going to the counseling after a few months. She started repeating the same behaviors that made me suspicious of her first affair. Sure enough, I discovered a second affair with a different man a month or so later. I sat back and waited for a few weeks then confronted her with it after it was evident that she wasn't going to stop seeing him. She admitted to it after I practically caught her in her lies. I left her the next day.<p>She immediately changed her tune and wants to save the marriage at all costs. We still go to counseling. I am having a hard time dealing with the betrayal and trust. I don't know how I can ever trust her again.<p>I don't want to make any hasty decisions, and I am taking some time to get to know myself better. Anybody been here before?

Oh yeah, I totally know where you are coming from.<p>I am the last guy on this board you want any advice from. Mainly because this board is new to me, but a bigger reason is that my judgement is just as much clouded as yours, and I couldn't offer any rational advice.<p>Do know that there are plenty of people here that have been thru what we are going thru, and they are much further along (therefore wiser) in their lives. I am sure somebody will have some sound advice for you.<p>I wish you the best.<p>Dave

Okay,
Honestly, it takes a long time to trust again. I didn't trust my H again until eight months later. He did everything right from the moment of his confession and thensome. It is hard to say when you will get over it. I am still not over the affair. Of course, my marriage is better than it ever was...but there are those triggers that take me back to those painful moments.
As far as she goes, you have left the home, and of course they tell you they've straighten up and playing a different tune. But she has to prove it. She has to be completely honest with you, help you deal with this in everyway possible, be accountable for her time, etc.
It is a long process, but if she shows effort endlessly, then you may want to try again. My advice: continue to be seperated for awhile until you figure things out for yourself. Once you are happy about yourself, then work on marriage. You do need to discuss it with her, and one of your request should be that she must go to marriage counseling with you if she wants to make this work.
God Bless you my friend, and I hope it works out for you!