Last night, my home wireless network went down for a while. I don't know why. I couldn't get into MarriageBuilders discussion forums. SO... I ended up reading the materials about Cybersex addictions. I can only conclude that I am deeply involved in an Emotional Affair with MB. It meets a need I have for conversation about my wife's A without the threat of consequences. I can go to MB whenever I want. I can engage support groups in conversations about the shock of finding out, recovery, and what to do next.

MB you've been a great support. You've taught me a lot. You've helped me understand some of what I'm feeling and some of what my WW must be feeling. But, I don't love you. I never have. You are just one of thousands of marriage counseling websites floating out there in a sea of data. When I couldn't access the forums, I knew it was becoming an EA. That's how my wife's A started. The EA led to PA led to terrible things I can't get out of my head. In seeking understanding, I have found myself replacing the pain of the A and D-Day, with the addiction of "seeking understanding" on the internet, books, and by counseling with wiser people than myself. One of my weaknesses is addictive behavior and it needs to stop. Know my weakness and don't cry for me Argentina.

Ultimately, I'll have to make my own decisions about my feelings (they are mine!) and my marriage. Armed with a host of statistical data about infidelity, a host of re-building scenarios, and form after form of compatibility questionairres, I am now ready to sift through the What and find out Who I Am. I don't know who my wife is anymore, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stumble through life in a fog of confusion and go through this pain again.

<small>[ June 28, 2002, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Lyxa,

MB is a great forum to help us heal our wound and learn to protect ourself so that it will never happen again. It is addicted too but I rather addicted to MB than anything else out there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You have reap the benefit of MB, consider giving back continusly. There are many like us who had been hurt and nowhere to turn ... I am addicted too however read giver & taker's rule. You give but you have to protect yourself too. I have life but occationally I will pick a member and try to engage he/she in discussion. I lurk alot since replying take a lot of my time.

Have to go ... my 2 D made it to National Championship <-------- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ---------->

-RH-

<small>[ July 02, 2002, 03:53 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

LYXA,
I know what you mean when you say you are having an EA here. I too find myself with a need to get in and read. You have given me much advise in my situation and like you said; in the end it is my life and my decisions. After reading alot of post I see how similar my situation is and yet how different it is. I only wish I knew the real reasons and feelings my W has. I am scared to make a move in fear it will be the wrong one. It is then I turn to MB for help and hope someone has replied to my last post. Things seem to change daily and what I thought was right no longer appears to be correct. All I can say is thank you for your giving. I hope I too can find the strength and wisdom to add my two cents.

CD

Hey, thanks friend. I came to MB after doing about 6 hours of searches on infidelity and related topics. For the life of me, I couldn't find what I was supposed to do next. All I knew was that my wife had had an affair and that the black and white decision I thought it would be file divorce turned out to be a big gray smear because I love her so damn much.

I keep hoping and looking for information that will hit me upside the head, clear the tempest in my mind, and quell the heartache. The more I look, the more I realize that I'm not alone... and that there is no magic bullet for me... just another world of pain and a little bit of hope.

Now I know I'm not the only one with these feelings. I swear those are my same thoughts and feelings.

Lyxa,

Find out what you want ... focus on it. I have 2 D and I am focusing on them. If WW turns around, it is good but I am ready to move w/ or w/o my WW. Dv will take times and so on ... don't give up until the fat lady sing. If you want your M ... plan A, plan A and plan A.

-RH-

Hi LYXA, we are all here with you hopelessly addicted, logging in at work (!!!), home and naywhere else with a computer and a phoneline. It about sharing the pain with others who understand. You don't have to explain too much, you don't have to justify why or where or who, you can say what you damn well please, then feel much better afterwards.

How are things going with WS?

She's supposed to be getting on a plane to come back home in 1 hour. Normally, when she travels, she'd have called by now. I'm concerned that she's going to chicken out at the last minute.

<trying to just let it go>

Lyxa,

Keep us posted ... nothing we can do and should do but wait and let it happens ... the world will not end 'cause of it the world will still spins. The most important thing is learn about MB as much as you can ... if you can't save your M you can save yourself to move on guilt free and knowing that you did your best.

I will check you up later.

-RH-

Hi L, I noted in your profile-signature thingy you've got 'trying to just let it go'. I think we're all struggling with that **edit**.

SH