I have been married for 18 years. My wife has strayed on 3 seperate occasions. I found out about the last one on 6/22. She has been getting into chat groups which is something I stated that noone in the family should be doing (we have two daughters 18 and 14). My wife found this rewarding as she was getting the emotional needs from others that I was not giving her. She got serious about a couple people, met with one, and has had phone sex with another. I found out about the phone sex and filed for a divorce yesterday.

I had no clue that the internet could be so addictive. She has left the house and is now in an apartment. The first thing she wants to buy is another computer.

My question is, should I cancel the internet service at my house. My daughters are constantly on line themselves in chat groups with their friends. This bothered me before but I thought it was safe. I don't know anymore. My wife also plans on slowly moving out. I am sure she will be getting on line any chance she gets when she comes home to pick up items. I don't want to tick her off because she currently is being very easy- going about the divorce and the items we will be splitting.

Last but not least, I am hurting. Even though I know there is no other choice but to divorce, I keep thinking what if? I have never been with anyone else and think that when I am, this will help. I won't do this though until we are divorced regardless of what she has done to me. I know I am a sucker, but I still took vows.

Welcome So Tired,

Have you had a chance to read all of the material here on MB?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Last but not least, I am hurting. Even though I know there is no other choice but to divorce, I keep thinking what if? I have never been with anyone else and think that when I am, this will help. I won't do this though until we are divorced regardless of what she has done to me. I know I am a sucker, but I still took vows.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry that you are hurting... that's one thing that we all have in common. I do know from my PERSONAL experience that you DO have other choices besides divorce. There are many other here that have gone though what you are going through...and much more (I don't say this to minimize the pain that you are feeling...) and they've learned how to rebuild their marriages.

You can rebuild your marriage, but it will take a lot of hard work from BOTH of you and it will take a lot of time.

You should read all that you can here on the MB web site and try to get yourself and your W into see a good marriage counselor. You DON'T have to divorce over this....

Take care,
RIF90

Hi,

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I also learned the hard way how addictive the internet is - my Husbands affair was on-line, so I can relate to how you're feeling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

After I caught him the first time, he told me he would end it. Well, after a while I sensed something wasn't right, so I installed Spector on our computer. It recorded all of my H's internet activity and this is how I discovered his affair was on-going. I feel it's the best money I've ever spent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> However, some people aren't comfortable with this type of spying.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My question is, should I cancel the internet service at my house. My daughters are constantly on line themselves in chat groups with their friends. This bothered me before but I thought it was safe. I don't know anymore. My wife also plans on slowly moving out. I am sure she will be getting on line any chance she gets when she comes home to pick up items. I don't want to tick her off because she currently is being very easy- going about the divorce and the items we will be splitting </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Instead of cancelling your internet service, maybe you could try Spector. If you're interested in what your Wife and children are doing, this might be what you need. Think about it, and if you want more info. just let me know.

Good luck,

H&S

Hi, Sotiredofitall,

I really cannot offer much of a success story myself (hopefully yet), but I have to tell you that the first step for me was letting go of controlling.

See - of course you can cancel internet service, of course you can try forcing or blackmailing your W into coming back. That is not the point. You have to teach and trust your children how to choose what's appropiate even when you are not around. And you have to make yourself worthwile for your W to consider staying, who knows , maybe the controlling IS the major issue for her.

There where your power is - Your actions and determination, and patience, and forgiveness.

It is not easy and I have to constantly remind myself this simple truth - improve first for myself and the kids, not to get him back.

You can always file for divorce - but please read the other posts first so you will not forfeit any other solutions.

FBOW

FBOW,

You are right, the controlling is a major factor w/ my W. I do trust my kids and again you are right that I need to improve myself for the reasons you listed. Thank you for reminding me and good luck with your situation.