I am kinda new here so I guess I will give ya'll a breif history. my husband and I have been together for 11 yrs. during this time he has had several affairs. each time he would promise not to doo it again and I would belive him or at least sorta belive him. in hopes that this time would be different. well a little over a month ago I found out that he was having another affair and we went through the usual ritual of me crying and him promising that it wouldnt happen again. we even set it up so that I would be there when she called so that he could break it off with her. Which he sorta did course the whole time he just kept saying how he wished he didnt have to end it. and how sorry he was to her. well shortly after I found the book " Surviving an affair" and convinced him to read it with me at first he was upset though cause he thought I was attacking him because of the title. but he finally agreed to read it with me.the whole time complaining and telling me how much he loves her and misses her. But how I should be understanding of this cause it is all in the book. Which I agree it is and I know where I went wrong. we had sepparated a yr into our marriage because he kept lying to me and we had just lost a baby and he wouldnt hold down a job. during this time I was raped and ended up getting pregnant. we got back together shortly after all of this but since that time I never had a sex drive at all. I didnt want to hurt him though so I would try to make him happy that way the other problem was that I couldnt have an orgasm and this upset him so I began faking it. after a while though I got to where I dreaded going to bed with him at night cause I knew what was gonna happen. He would want to have sex and if I said no then it was gonna be a fight. after a while the fighting started to spill over to everything and he started to become withdrawn form me and shortly after this is when I found out about the first affair. after this I did everything I could think of to make him happy I would beg for us to see a councelor but ofcourse he didnt want to. so I would do the best I could to make him happy and be supportive. Then after having 5 kids and several otehr affairs his father passed away and I tried to be very supportive during all of this but then I found a letter that he had written to his cousin about how he was gonna get even with me and make the rest of my life misserable. ofcourse I wuestioned him about this and he just said that he was upset with his fathr dying and all and needed to blame someone. so I accepted this and went on. But then I kept finding out about affairs and he kept lying to me about everything. This time he swears it won't happen again and I have done everything I can this time I have been trying to overcome my problem with my sex drive and have even made some real progress. I have been trying to be passionate and affectionate with him but he is convinced he is in love with her though he says that he thinks he can love me again. then I found out today he has been talking to her this whole last month. I want to be strong and keep things together. I do love him. I am soo scared of getting hurt anymore though. I cant see just throwing all this away and hurting our children. I know it will devastate our daughter with autism and I dont want her regressing. I just dont know what to do. anyway I go I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle. I know that our lives are stressfull and I have been trying to keep the stress off of him. I just don't know how much more I can stand. I am hurting so much and feel so depressed. he wont follow all of the book because he needs his cell phone and email for work and the phone acutally belongs to his work so he doesnt want to tell them what is going on so he cant change his number. I feel so hopeless.
if anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. I am sorry this was so long.
May angels be with you all!

You both need a push... and in the right direction...
...any chance of counseling with MB... over the phone (since he is so attached to it)?

Steve (and or Jennifer) Harley... can get you both focused!... and work out a short and long term plan.

Counseling for sexual problems should also be considered.

The 'no contact' message to his OW... was weak... very weak.
Another 'no contact' letter needs to be drafted and sent.

Patience... Time... and Consistancy...
...while you work on your Plan A.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Wow! {{{{whendoesitallend}}}
I want to encourage you-you have found the right place-if you can save your marriage, it will be with information from this site.
First, go to the thread from Biscayne-the first reply from Jim/NSR has lots of links to follow-I don't know how to link, or I would. Read as much as you can on this site, it is full of useful info.
Also, the book His Needs Her needs is a must-read for you. Try printing out the Emotional Needs questionaire, and either doing it with your spouse or, if he won't, do it the way you think he would. I'm encouraged that he would read SAA with you...it shows your M has hope of recovery...and a future with no more affairs as a possibility.
As a woman I'd like to share something that was a revelation to me...women feel sexual when they feel loved, but men feel loved when they are sexual. I have found that when our sexual relationship is good, my h is more loving, and the above really opened my eyes to why. Now for you, I would bet that if your H was very loving, gentle, and, oh maybe, cleaned the kitchen or something, something non-sexual that made you happy, you would be much more open to having a sexual encounter with him. Of course, being a man he doesn't think that way. Just MHO, but it opened my eyes when I learned these things.
Good luck, and read, read, read....
Maybe Jim/NSR or another wise MB'er can offer advise too....