HI, MY NAME IS DJANGO AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DEAL WITH MY WIFE HAVING AN AFFAIR A FEW YEARS AGO. I NEED TO START FROM SCRATCH. MY MOTHER HAD AN AFFAIR AND I KNEW ABOUT IT AND ALTHOUGH I LOVED MY MOTHER ,I RESENTED HER FOR DOING THAT TO MY FATHER.MY FATHER WORKED REAL HARD TO BRING US OUT OF POVERTY AND NEVER COMPLAINED.WHEN MY WIFE AND I WERE COURTING ,I TOLD HER ABOUT THIS AND TOLD HER ALL I WANT IN LIFE IS AN HONEST ,FAITHFUL WIFE WHO WOULD LOVE ME AS I LOVE HER.MY MOTHER DIED AT A RELATIVELY YOUNG AGE AND I WAS NOT ON GOOD TERMS WITH HER.SO, I TOOK ON HER DEATH A LOT AND IT AFFECTED ME ALOT.SEVERAL MONTHS AFTER MY WIFE CAME HOME WITH MARKS ON HER NECK AND SAID SHE JUST HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN.WHEN SHE SAW MY REACTION SHE SAID WAS NOT TRUE BUT THAT THE PERSON HAD TRIED TO HOLD HER DOWN.SHE SAID SHE WAS ASHAMED TO GO TO THE POLICE BECAUSE THE MAN WAS A POLICEMAN.LATER THAT NIGHT WE HAD SEX AND I KNEW SHE HAD INTERCOURSE BEFORE.AFTER YEARS OF DENYING SHE ADMITTED THAT SHE WAS INVOLVED IN SOME SORT OF INTERCOURSE BUT NOT WILLINGLY. YET, SHE CONTINUEDTO HANG OUT WITH THE GUY BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WAS ASHAMED FOR ANYONE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED.I HAVE ASKED HER TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH ME AND TO STOP PLAYING WITH MY MIND . I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, IF I AM TO TRUST HER AGAIN.I TOLD HER I WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE WAS RAPED OR IF SHE DID IN FACT ENJOY THE SEX AND HOW MANY TIMES DID IT HAPPEN? WE HAVE TWO KIDS . ALSO , ALOT OF PEOPLE TOLD ME THINGS WHICH SHE DENIED BUT SOME OF WHICH SHE LATER SAID WAS TRUE.HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION? I AM SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THE TRUTH SHOULD BE SPOKEN NO MATTER WHAT.ANOTHER THING IS THAT I WARNED MY WIFE ABOUT THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY ARE AFTER BUT SHE REFUSED TO LISTEN TO ME.

Sorry about your pain. First of all, I would do some investigating. Sometimes people won't admit things when they are asked repeatedly. My husband did that for about a month, but then came and confessed the whole thing. Although I could have investigated and busted everyone involved with his secret life, I didn't because what is done in the dark will come to light eventually. I didn't have to go look, because he was truly with our friends, and the OW would be there also. You have been going through this for years, so I would sit her down and talk. Tell her that you want the truth and if she gives it to you, you will not get angry, but just listen and judge later on. I find that men will confess and tell what you want to know if they feel you won't leave or go off. Make a decision, if she tells you...check on it; if she says nothing...I'd be all in her personal life. It is called compartmentalization. She lives a seperate life from you. I'd find a way to monitor calls, ask her where she is going--demanding her to call with info when there is a change in plans, and of course...have the car and be checking up on it. I mean...getting her friend's numbers, checking up on some addresses, and popping up. Excuse for her giving you some names and numbers...in case the cell is off and there's an emergency with the kids. If you do some of this, you must be prepared for turmoil if she's still out there cheating. Pray for what you should do, and ask God to let her slip up and it comes out on it's own so that you don't have to go look for yourself. I have done this in my past relationship, but because of that...I didn't have to investigate in my marriage now. Everytime he did something...I always knew. It was intuition that told me when, who was present, and where to look if I wanted to. So trust your gut...it works.