Okay -
How many of you are going through the turmoil of a workplace affair? It seems like so many of A start at work (no news flash there). Companies are really starting to crack down on them but in my case it didnt help b/c my H was aware of the policy but got fired anyway.
Sound off to me I really want to know if your A or H / W A started at work....

My H's OW was my former best friend and his employee. She was also married to his partner/best friend. I believe that most affairs start at work with 'just talking.' We are all on our very best behavior at work, looking our best, being pleasant, etc. We don't have whining kids, dirty laundry, etc. to face. It's almost a fake world in some ways.

They made out at the office where her H could have walked in at any time. My H also wrote to her over their company Internet so he could have caught them that way too. Maybe that made it more exciting?

Anyway, we somehow survived but it's been one long hard road. I don't know if I could do it again.

That's where my WW's A started. Then they would meet somewhere else after hours. She's actually his mgr. Has known him for several years. I've met him several times in the past myself. She has been trying to get him into a promotable situation over the past couple of years. I know from what little I read that they have been comiserating with each other about their spouses that don't understand them.

One of the comments that my WW left in one of the emails already tells me that this is living in a fantasy world. And we all know that the fantasy is always better than the reality. The comment was "This makes me feel like I did back in high school, only more intense". My counselor seems to think that I'm giving the OM to much weight in all of this.

My H's affair began after he spent time talking to OW at work. We were going through a hard time and he spilled our story out to her. She was attractive, always well presented, "business-like" and flattered him with her undivided attention (as previously said, no children, house, chores, etc). She also intimated that her husband didn't appreciate her - claims to get up at 5:00 am to get the housework done and prepare dinner before she goes to work in the morning - Superworman?! My H thought so. She was quite a bit older than him, but I think that added to the experience - as well as the fact that meetings were clandestine and physical contact snatched and risky. My H works hard and is good at his job. He is viewed as a man with integrity. I never thought for a moment that he would have an affair. He works for a prominent global company and I don't know what their policy is regarding office affairs, but they appeared to attempt to conceal this from their colleagues. I feel that no-one could hide a relationship for a whole year (and I was pregnant at the time - have an 8 wk old baby), so now I feel that everyone must know and I must look like such a fool! Affair has apparently ended but she is still around and I don't know for definite if they communicate. My H says not and I have to trust him. He acknowledges that she will contact him (this week) to find out if he meant it about ending the affair, how he is, etc. I feel very insecure and also very angry. How will we ever stand a chance if she is still around?
Fishwife

Yes, H's affair began with a co-worker. It's not really hard to understand why this is such a ripe location for affairs. A person spends a lot more "adult" time while in the workplace. They are with people who are involved in the same business they are. They have no personal "baggage" which must be dealt with...ie. children, in-laws, mortage, garbage cans, yard work, cleaning bathrooms, etc. It's a stage full of joint outside interests where everyone is looking their best, putting their best foot forward, are never sick (at least not there), etc.

Companies are coming down much harder on workplace affairs. They realize that the partners in such are using company time for personal reasons, company expense accounts, and it is costing the company major money. Plus, the courts in several states have upheld lawsuits by BS against the company when it knowingly "helped" the affair continue and prosper.

My WH affair lasted over a year and was with a much younger employee. He is the head of a state office and gave her a promotion during the A. We talked about it and seriously, it didn't occur to him until he started coming out of the fog that this was risky and unprofessional. Why did it happen? Usual garden variety affair material. We were having problems. She was young and worshipped the ground her boss walked on. They were enthralled with the secrecy and thrill of an affair and they didn't believe anybody else knew (well I didn't have positive proof, but his 6 person office pretty much figured it out).

The A is supposedly over, but they still work together. We're still on the rollercoaster of confusion and daily vacillation about what WH does or doesn't want (me).

My WH is still at risk of losing his job as we know an outside management consultant was told by two other employees about his A. Nothing has happened yet, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I had an A at work and the OM was my boss. Now that I'm beginning to come out of the fog I can see exactly what happened and it is as most of you have said. We started as friends in a very small office. He made me feel smart and special and we began to travel together and it was all business talk at first but then we got into more personal things and fell in love. We spent so much time alone together and having mutual interests and doing fun things together made falling in love seem inevitable. The workplace is the "perfect" place to fall in love for the reason everyone else mentioned. The life there is so much more glamorous that leading a "real" life. I ended up leaving the job after his wife got suspicous and I decided I couldn't really leave my children and H. It has been the most painful experience of my life and I will guard my heart from now on because you must be careful of what kind of situations you get into at work. It may seem innocent at work but friendship is difficult to maintain at just the friendship level.

I think maybe it's time for someone to come up with a set of "rules" to help people recognize when lines are being crossed in the workplace. No one seems to want to address things until it is to late. Any suggestions?

My WH is having a workplace affair. If he is found out, his career probably will be ruined. He is with a 15 year younger, single woman and is currently undecided whether to stay with her or come home and work on the marriage (he moved out on my request 2 weeks ago due to lying regarding contact with OW). I think the excitement of the affair and secrecy has prevented him from seeing what the relationship really is. I have given him one more week to decide which direction he will be taking or I will start to move on with my life without him and seek legal actions.

Yep. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I agree with everyone who's said that workplace A's are fantasy...no 'home problems'...everyone looks their best...yeah, let's see how the OP likes helping the WS clean the toilet or do the laundry...

I don't think it is a good idea for married/spoken-for co-workers to be so buddy-buddy, to the point that they go out after work, go drinking, etc etc. Recipe for disaster. Why do people with families need to do that?? At my former place of employment, there was extreme pressure to socialize often, outside of work...and I did very rarely. I didn't need to...didn't want to...had my fiance at home! It also bugged me that holiday parties were employees only...no partners allowed...not a good thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Jamup - here's a set of rules for not crossing the line:

Rule #1: Don't say or do anything in the presence of ANYONE that you wouldn't say or do with your spouse standing next to you.

Rule #2: See rule #1.

I used to travel a lot for business, and this was my creed, both on the road and in the office. Out of love and respect for my wife, she was with me in spirit wherever I went. Has always worked for me - just wish my wife had adhered to the same rule!

My husband told me he was having an affair with a woman I knew nothing about (never met her, didn't know her, etc.). He said he was in love with her and wanted to leave me for her. Three weeks ago, just 2 days before I went into labor with our third child, I found out the OW was really a co worker, and his subordinate to boot. I was driving when I found her phone number all throughout the call history. I was so devasted I almost ahd an accident and had to pull over to throw up. I guess my discovery made things too real for him and he decided to break things off with OW and work on our marriage. They still work together and will probabaly have to until he can find another job ( I don't work, so the position would have to be comprable). I don't know how to deal with him going off to work every day, sometimes staying late at night to close the place. The stress from the lies has already caused me a traumatic labor (I almost bled to death and my child was in distress) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> and I may have to begin anti-depressants having to go through this while I'm extremely post-partum. Do Ihave the right to ask him to speed and intensify his job search? How do I get through this in the meantime? Someone PLEASE help me!

I'm so sorry for what all of you are going through with the office A. It is NOT easy as long as there is contact. After 6 years, I still don't trust my H and I just confronted him about yet another lie concerning OW. H has now moved out because I am "crazy" I wish I had known about MB 6 years ago. I have an appointment with one of our 6 or 7 former counselors next week (I wish one of them had known about MB, too.) I am also planning to call a lawyer tomorrow as my lawyer sister has advised me to do. My H not only had A but has been abusive to me since then and also drinks too much, spends too much, has too many hobbies that exclude me and still defends her. After talking to her last Mon about her talking to my H which he denied, I got the impression that they have been discussing me all these years and I have just been too stupid to see it. Anyway, as he was leaving I told him all I ever wanted was for him to be honest with me and to please tell me something he didn't like about her and he couldn't do it-he just told me to leave her alone so she wouldn't sue him and make him lose his job!! He also said he doesn't know her well enough but he has worked with her for 10 years now and on D-day he told me he had known her for 4 years and she was a wonderful person. Apparently he is the only one who thinks so at the office. Am I being unreasonable? He can sure find things to dislike about all my female friends and my sisters and even his sister and especially me. He "accidently" called me on my cell this pm and said he thought he was calling his secretary and then told me he had come by home to pay the bills and things will be tight- What a surprise--things have always been tight but he always manages to buy what he wants. Anyway, time is suppost to heal all wounds but it doesn't work that way when the OP is still ther because everyday you know they are together but have no way to know what they are really doing esp. if you can't trust your H and have caught him red handed in so many lies about OW. How could he expect me to believe he really loves me? I am just his maid. I hope things turn out better for all of you because maybe you can use the MB plans to help. Hy H would never even read the articles the counselors suggested because he thinks he is smarter than they are. I told him once to write a book and see if it would sell without a phd behind his name!! All he has is a masters (which I helped him get after we were married and which I am very proud of him for). I wish I could have an encounter for him like they do for alcholics!