Our MC asked us to make a "Caring List" of things. So my WW's list would be things that if I did for her, would make her feel that I cared about her. Mine would be things that if she did would make me feel cared about.

I've racked my brain about this, but all of the caring things I can think of are all things she did with the OM. I'm going through this phase where, if she did those things it sets off triggers of her flirting with him right in front of me. GRRRRRR... It's bad enough that I compare myself to him all the freaking time, I don't want her to approach me and be all caring only to have me end up grouchy because I'm trying to figure out how HE would respond to whatever it is that she is doing.

I notice your d-day was 6-14. Mine was 6-12 (the big one), so we're at about the same place in the time line.
I can relate to how you're feeling. But I guess my feelings of that nature are confined to our bedroom, which is bad enough.
To the point....we can't change the past. We (BS's) are here not by any choice we made, but by the selfish choices of our spouses. We cannot change what they did. Or who they are. We have this miserable history we now have to deal with. Try not to let it defeat you. That would be like letting the OP win. You're better than that. Shut down the thoughts as soon as you recongnize them. I have more trouble with reliving the whole event in my head, how it might have been, conversations my H and I have had, things I wish I had done....nothing I can do anytihng about now. But I know how it bugs me and tries (and sometime suceeds) in ruining my day. I have decided that I will not let my H's selfish choices and this bimbo get the best of me. I will not let those factors dictate who I am, or what I think about.
Pray, sing, come here and vent. Do whatever gets your mind off of the OP and concentrate on the fact that you have the chance to write a new history with your spouse, one without the OP from here on out. Don't let him keep coming back in.

I am confused. On July 7 you stated that she confessed to oral sex and intercourse and on "fingering" thread you said she claimed she had not. Are these threads from the same person? Or have I missed something.

Same person... the confession was on 6/17. But, as all of you who have experienced D-Day know... it can be confusing. Things are said and from the first word you fall into shock. She had told me that he had put his hands in her pants... but honestly, I do that all the time... she has endometriosis and melts when I rub her lower abdomen. When told, I was so shocked that I sort of glossed over the fact that him putting his hands in her pants meant something different than it did to me.