My husband and I have been seperated almost 4 months. He is just now coming around and spending a lot of time with me. The cause of the seperation was that I had a one night stand and I told him of it due to my guilt. The one night stand happened 6 months prior to me telling him. I was also very mean and cold to him during our 1 year marriage. I had been married previously to an alcoholic which left me with many scars and problems. Husband and I dated for 2 years and he lived with me one of them. After telling him of the ons he left me and went to live with his parents. I have much since changed my ways by getting saved and working on myself. He has noticed these changes in me, but of course it is hard for him to believe that I won't be the old person to him once he moves home. He has spent 3 nights with me and taken me to dinner. He has helped me out around the house and says that he loves me. He also says his love is not the same for me, but he does love me. We have not made love with each other until this morning. He busted out into tears while making love to me and of course afterwards I felt almost like crying due to him crying. I comforted him as much as i could. He said, "Emotionally he wasn't ready to do this". He also stated a little later that he felt I was dirty. It hurt my feelings bad and I told him so. He is trying his hardest to be with me, and to make our marriage work. My real question is: He won't make the decision after 4 months to actually commit to me and come home for good. I feel if the marriage is going to get a fair shake that he should come on home and get started on counseling and so forth. He is on the edge of coming home though. He also states that he is not going to be able to make love to me for awhile. How long will it be till he can make love to me and feel good about it? Help me someone with some answers of wisdom.
Follow Ups:

Your one night stand will take much longer than one night for him to get over. The two of you don't have to live under the same roof to began counseling. Don't push him to move back in, let him return at his pace. If you love him, you'll support him now. You need to be patient with him. The pain he feels from your A will take time to heal, it's a long process.

When will he be able to make love with you. When he can, without having visions in his head of you with another man. When he can without feeling the pain from you cheating. It could be another day, a week or maybe months. When he broke down and cried, there were three people in your bed. You, your H and the OM. The visions are in his head, the thoughts in his mind. Give him time, you want him back, you want to rebuild your marriage then it will all take time.

Why can't he see that you have changed. He can't see past his pain right now. The pain you caused by the one night stand. You have to understand that it is a time process to all of this. He has to face your A. He has to deal with it, heal from it and the two of you have to began to rebuild your marriage.

Be patient, be understanding and be honest with him. In return you'll get your h back.

Good luck.

I do understand it is painful for him. He probably is having a rougher time than I could ever imagine. I know if it were me in his shoes I would be a mess. I feel so bad for him and want to make his life normal again. I want to love him, give him affection and hold him through all of this. I know it will take time. I just want us back more than anything. He told me he loves me and never stopped. He also said he will be home eventually. To stop nagging him. I will. Thanks for all the advice.