I've just be made aware of my husband's affair, which has lasted on/off for 10 years!!! Yes, I new about it 10 years ago, and I thought we got over it. But no, now it's back and things are spiralling out of control. I want to work towards repair/recovery. What can I say to make him want to become part of the journey. I've pored over this website, and have found some wonderful material. I've printed some things for him to read, because I know he will never sit in front of the computer long enough. Thankfully, he took the info, but I don't know if he's read it or not. He doesn't come home at night. I guess I know where he is....but I'm not sure. Counselling 10 years ago, was not what I would like to see happen now. All we did was sit and complain. I like the idea of the dynamics of Dr. Harley---really working on things.---But how do I get my husband to want to join me. I love him so.

I am new at this too. I tried to get my W to read some of the material. She did, but relayed to me that it doesn't work that way for her. My style of reading and getting enlightened, doesn't work for her. I respect that.

As you have seen by others accounts - No LBing; Take care of yourself; Figure out what Plan A means to you. I am spending most of my time creating an environment for open and honest communication. Thats easy to say - hard to do. I am learning a lot about my wife's beleifs and values and attitudes that I never fully understood before. We are on the road to "recovery".

God Bless.

Hope that helps.

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: searching2 ]</small>

Dear "harmoni",

you can't force someone to work on a M especially when he is the WS. See to it that you are creating an environment where you just look irresistible, you are proud and full of self-esteem (sounds hard when he is having an A- I know...if you want, read my posting) Don't beg him- it's not going to work. You can show him you care about him and create a atmosphere where he can open up when he is ready. In the meantime: you are not alone. We are here with you! Bad things happen to good people.
God bless you

I was wondering...Is it suggested that I get 2 copies of SAA, and HNHN? I am the BW. Do I need my H to read the info too. I would think so. I can't imagine having to do everything by myself. I'm a little confused...BTW...Thanks to the two of you who have replied to my "first" posting. I cried when I actually saw someone responding to "ME". It felt good. God Bless you both!

Hi harmoni,
I would just get one copy of the books and then let it accidentally lie around where he could have some time to browse through it. Don't be disappointed though if he is watching TV instead...
Good luck!