Hi! I need someone to help me stay ok and say that I am not alone anymore. Or crazy. I am afraid contacting a professional since I do not know what to ask for. Lately, I have found it hard to verbally express myself. My life is foggy and I do not know where to turn.
I found out 6 month ago that I was not the only woman. I am not married but have lived as marriage since -96. (No children) The ow confronted me at my home. The only thing was that she did not consider herself "the" ow, she considerate me to me the lover(?!). I got in total chock and thought that I was in a nightmare. I trusted my man but have (when I look back now) always unconsciously know that he was up to something but refused to see it). I had never meet this other girl before, but she seemed to know more about me. Worst of all, the apartment that I have considerate my home for more than two years, she lived in two summers when I went home to see my family. She told me to go and look at our video camera, and see when they had sex in our bed. I did and that was the most hurtful thing ever. I do not want to be angry at this girl but I am. I felt that she know about me but accepted it from him. As much as I am angry I am also grateful to her. The fact is that she has been very helpful in making some of the pieces come to rest. Make me understand things that my husband think is just "nothing" But we (me & ow) are not best friend but we have meet more than once to figure out things that we both feel cheated on. According to her, she and "my" husband have been together since -96(!) Wait, it gets worse. Since he told her that it was only them, he refused to use protection. Which then means that I and this ow also have been having sex since he more than once had sex with us I guess the same day. Luckily, no kids was produced, but the "rape on my mind and trust" is hard to face. Even if it has gone over 6 month, I am still in denial but some days I am just so depressed that I can not even function on a normal basis. I am embarrassed to tell people. I am constantly thinking out a way to make my relationship work out, but I do not know how. He tells me that she was just for play and he just wanted her to "give all his stress and anger too" so that he could come home and be a loving husband. He says he loves me and that I am "the" woman. The ow confirmed to me that he did talked about me all the time as the "queen" but the stories of them two so often to no match up. And should I be grateful that he said my name on top of her? At least he thinks that act shows that when he was having sex with her was thinking of me. However, he says that he said to her what he needed to say so that she would stay put. Put to please him whenever he wanted to be pleased. So his secret little world is not anymore a secret and all hell broke loss, but I do not feel that he is regretting what he has done. He wants me to get professional help and just trust him in again. I am constantly crying. Could anyone help me out to what to do first. I feel so lost in space.
Sincerely,

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<small>[ August 01, 2002, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: What to do? ]</small>

wow... <speechless>

I would suggest that you get on some anti-depressant medication, seek counselling, and before you even address recommitting... evaluate your own life, values, goals, and desires. Once you know what those are... then address recommitting to him. You sound very confused about his infidelity, but also about yourself. Good luck. The meds will help you work through issues and prevent your becoming overwhelmed by emotions at a time when you need to be clear, detached from the situation, and focussed. They are not a crutch.