The OM is an Air Force officer. The military has a "code of ethics" forbidding adultery. Obviously, our nation doesn't want its officers creating problems but there is also an issue of honor, pride, patriotism that doesn't jive well with adultery at all. I have all the proof I need; I have epilepsy and have had 17 seizures since D-Day; I essentially lost my job because of a dramatic decline in performance since D-Day. I really want to go after him.

Lyxa,

What good does it do ? & What worst things could create ? ... You decide ... my 2¢ always say no to go after OP unless there is a good reason ... it is interfering w/ A. A might die un-naturally, you will left holding the bag and you still are fighting to save your M ... w/o OM.

-RH-

I have posted this to you before. IF this OM is married, and you destroy his career, you are taking MONEY away from the OM's wife/children!!! Would you feel better if his BW and children were on welfare??? Food stamps??? Had no place to live??? PLEASE think before you hurt people that have done nothing wrong!!!

-mcnyh

Have thought about it. Her family is well off... she is an attractive woman... with alimony and child support from him... she can begin a new life if she wishes. In the meantime, her family can take care of her.

The worst I can do is stilt his career and prevent promotions that would enable him to get paid more than $120k per year. It's not like he'd lose his job or go to prison or anything.

I guess if it makes YOU feel better...

I'm not sure where you got your info, but from what I know, he CAN be kicked out of the military!!! Has his wife already left him? Who says her parents/family will support her? She is an adult... What adult wants to HAVE to rely on mommy and daddy to survive???

Please think about this before you do anything... although it sounds like you already have you mind made up, no matter who else YOU could hurt.

Just my opinion. If the OW in my case did this, she would not hurt my H, but she would destroy me and my children!!! (we did NOTHING wrong!!!)

-mcnyh

Lyxa, I've read a bit of your situation.

In my opinion, you don't know everything going on with the OM's wife and family. There's a verse that goes

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"In the quiet heart is hidden sorrows that the eye can't see.
"Who am I to judge another; Lord I would follow Thee."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There's a Chinese proverb that teaches that you can't strike out at another human being, even if that person deserves it - without hurting yourself and those you love. You can't see where the ripples will go when you cast in the rock in the pond. There's no way to anticipate the consequences.

You have written about your faith in some of your shares. Have you taken this to your religion's holy house and fasted and prayed for healing? Seek out your Father in Heaven - He will tell you that vengeance belongs to Him and Him only!

I have very recently sat in your shoes. I, my W, and the OM are all officers in the military. I've been through your dilemna, and nearly everyone, to include the chaplain, but minus my W, has said that it was right to pursue him in one form.

My W and I are Christians. I have forgiven her, and will not bring her A up again, unless she chooses to talk about it. There are consequences for sin, though. Our consequence is that she is pregnant (I have been overseas since Jan 02), and we found out 3 days after I got home on leave. Well, the OM tried to get her to leave me and marry him, taking our 5 year old with her (thank God she chose not to go), but other than not having my W as his, he walked away consequence free!

I am not God, so I am not authorized to judge. For some reason, though, God saw fit to send him to work for a man that I used to work with and that I respect a great deal. The chaplain and my other Christian brothers said "Tell him". It would end his career, although adultery is nearly impossible to prove in military law, even with a pregnancy. Still, evaluations resulting from the situation would prevent any future promotions.

This old friend of mine, though, is in an authority position over the OM. So, I asked him to get his chaplain involved, counsel the OM, etc. Instead of being vengeful, as I could have been, I've tried to take the viewpoint of not wanting to hear of him doing this to any other marriages. If I stood by and did nothing, I would be wrong, in my viewpoint. I'm concerned about integrity, and the covenant of marriage.

I'm not being self-righteous, becuase this conflict has torn me apart inside. It hurts so much, and I've prayed for the hand of God to wipe him from the face of the earth. In the end, I pray that God will bless my wife, and my marriage, because I listened to him.

I'm one of the most vengeful people I know (it's not really one of my better personality traits). I know just how appealing the thought is, and how all-consuming the desire to wreak havoc can be.

It's taken me a long time to learn that taking revenge usually does more damage to you than the one you're trying to hurt. I have to live with myself, and my actions, and I answer eventually to a higher authority. When all is said and done, I want to be able to know I have tried to do what is right and good and productive. Revenge isn't any of those things. We each answer to our own conscience, karma, or God - and the OM will pay the consequences in life or the next without your needing to help it along.

If you haven't already, then for your own peace of mind I would confront the OM. But what possible good can come to you from trying to destroy his life?

Now, I must admit that I do draw a line in some instances. I suspect that if someone ever harmed my children I would throw all my "karmic goodness" right out the window and load my gun. But for something like infidelity, where there were two consenting adults? Nope, not worth the stain on my soul to try and hurt them.

I think there are a lot of good comments here.

There is at least one other side to this.

If he has done this more than once, or if he is not repentant and may do it again, it would be well to report it to the airforce.

One time mistakes perhaps should be forgive, but someone that goes after others wives again and again should be taken care of.

Ss