Deserve to Die posted a message on here, but didn't tell the whole truth. I of course know the whole truth since I am the one he betraded.

After five years he now confesses to having an affair. When confronted about something going on at the time, he denied it over and over. He made me feel like there was something wrong with me for asking or saying such a thing. I was told that he would never cheat because of his fear of catching something. I lived with this man for 16 years and saw his phobia's with germs, so of course I believed him. Did he not only cheat on me but also had unprotected sex with this woman.

After hearing about the affair that took place the one thought that came to my head was that this woman had a baby around this time. He swears up and down that it isn't his baby. There isn't much I can do about this situation.

I was pregnant at the time of this affair and thought our marriage was in good shape. We planned to have the baby after nine years of our first child. It was a turning point, I thought.

I still can't understand why he waited so long to tell me about this affair. I wonder why now. Was it to hurt me when I thought things were good in our marriage right at this moment.

He thinks because the affair has been over for years that I should just move on with our marriage. Maybe for them it was five years ago, but for me it feels like this just happened three weeks ago. He not only waited to tell me five years later, but has dragged out the truth over the affair for weeks now. He finally admitted that he was in love with this other woman and they both expressed those feelings to each other. This is the hardest thing for me to handle so far. I feel that he didn't tell me about the affair to protect this other woman. They continued a friendship for years afterwards. This woman told her husband what had happened at the time and her husband agreed that they should remain friends because of working together. My husband knows that if I was told I would of never let them remain friends and that is probably why he never told me. I feel he wanted to hold on to her even if it was only through friendship.

I see a man who held back a secret for five years with no guilt or regret. If he regretted what happened he would of had nothing to do with this other woman. He would of tried to change what our marriage was about at that time. If he hid this so well for five years, what else is he hiding from me. A marriage isn't made on secrets and lies, but this is the path he chose.

I know how much you are hurting. My H also lied about his affair for 6 years. He was with my former best friend. When it happened, they claimed it was talking only. They really played me for a fool. She was his employee, married to his best friend and business partner.

We were separated for 9 mos. I told him I HAD to know the truth. He looked me in the eye and said he had never been with another woman. So I slept with him for 6 years, not knowing he had exposed me to the threat of stds. I also slept in MY bed not knowing she had been there. This is the woman I had been matron of honor for 6 mos before!

In counseling last summer, I finally forced the issue. I could tell he was lying. And yes, he finally admitted that is was sexual. They made out at our office where her H could have walked in at any time. They had sex in her car and at her house next door to mine. She was in my bed.

She did the 'poor me. I didn't do anything wrong.' routine to our mutual friends. They all believed her when she said 'nothing happened.' So I looked like a paranoid fool. Now I know the truth and I would love nothing better than to tell all of those friends the truth. But I know they'd say "So? It was years ago. Get over it."

I will never really trust anybody again. My H destroyed the unique/special aspect of our lovelife and that will never be reclaimed.

It has been a lot of hard work but I'm glad we saved our marriage. 2 mos ago we had a miracle baby and she is the joy of my life.

I won't lie and say it's easy, it's not. But it has been worth it. I wish you peace and healing. Keep posting