It's been a month since I found my husband's feelings for me have changed. He did say he had a "level of interest" in someone at work, but insists that he has done nothing about it. Other than talk to her and made a few phone calls. He swears that he's broken off contact other than professionally with her.
We've only been married 4 yrs. He tells me now that his feelings for me have been changing since about 6 months to a year after the wedding. Of course I get the old line......it's not you, it's me.
I've asked him questions........he is very slow to answer usually. Since we've been in therapy he's gotten better. Well this week he told me that he's not attracted to me at all. When we do have sex he has to think of others, other scenerios, stories he's read etc to even climax. Says he doesnt know if it's a physcial thing or just mental.
I know you don't believe me when I say I had no idea. But this man has been perfect for the 4 yrs we've been married. He's been attentive, used kind words, always touching....saying I love you. No fighting. I'm blown away.
I asked him if he wanted a divorce. He said I think maybe I do. But the next day at therapy, he's resolved to trying to make us work. I'm so confused. We are only 33. I did discuss his love of porn online and chatting with other with him and the therapist. The therapist asked him not to do any of that for a month. He agreed. I'm the only one with access to the internet now. And I come here. That's it, no where else. And I only read here when he isnt home.
Oh I just dont' know. I"m so hurt, upset and now I"m getting angry.
Don't I deserve more than this? Why is it so easy for him to hurt me? I can make it on my own finacially....I figured it out on paper just to give myself reassurance. Part of me wants to separate for awhile. But I'm afriad. What if I'm being premature? What if we separate and he never wants to come back?
I simply don't know what to do.

Give it a bit more time FOAL, your H is doing the right things; counseling, wanting to work on the M, agreeing to end the porno, etc.

These things don't get resolved overnight; try to give it a bit more time.

Try to find out what he's been missing in your R; have him fill out an Emotional Needs Questionnaire, fill one out yourself, then work through them together, see if you can identofy some of the things you both can improve.

The exercise of doing it (by itself) is usually a positive thing for the couple, and it can help a lot.

Be firm, but as understanding as you can be; help him help you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Freekonalease:
<strong>I"m so hurt, upset and now I"m getting angry.
Don't I deserve more than this?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you like all of us here deserve a fulfilling M. Your H does too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Why is it so easy for him to hurt me?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is easy to hurt outwards rather than face our own inadequacies. He appears now though to be working on it with you. However you will rightly feel hurt and upset at this stage. Like Spacecase says you need to give it some time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I can make it on my own finacially....I figured it out on paper just to give myself reassurance.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is good. It will give you some comfort.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Part of me wants to separate for awhile. But I'm afriad. What if I'm being premature? What if we separate and he never wants to come back?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't rush into a separation, this would probably hurt you both more. Take some time to look after yourself, read and post as much as you can here. Try and determine your EN's and if you do not know guess your H's EN's and start working on them. Ben.