Hello everyone- D-day 5-20-02, H had PA/EA with coworker. First said it was all just sex and wanted to end it. Later confessed he had feelings for her. What pain!!!! He thought he should leave. We have 2 small children, M for 8 years, together 17. Going to MC. Thank God. It's been very helpful. This rollercoaster ride of emotions has been the most horrific experience of my life. We are trying to work it out. My question is this- so far there have been good days and then Boomm!!!! Down we went due to H being in the "fog" She was this wonderful person with no faults who could do no wrong. I have been working really hard at meeting H's EN and he agrees. So, although things are looking up. H says he wants me and not her anymore. I'm afraid to get too comfortable with this feeling of security and stable feeling. I feel like anytime now he is going to fall again. I'm so scared. Those of you who have been in this process of recovery maybe can give me an idea of what may be ahead. H seems very sincere about wanting to make M work. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. MB has been a life saver for me. Thank you

Hurt,
I understand your pain, I remember it well. All I can say is that you are doing all the right things, mainly counseling. You are still very green at this and you will be on this roller coaster ride for some time so buckle up and hang on. Time and patience is a major factor for recovery. It took us nearly a year before my WS truly came out of the fog but her A went on for two years and that is a factor as to the time it takes for recovery. I just want to encorage you to keep trying. Don't give up even when you feel completly hopless. Better days do come. Keep the comunications open, talk about what you need and ask him what he needs. Communication is vital. If you hold it in and don't talk about yours and his emotional needs you guys will only build a wall between you and you will not move forward, only backwards. It is possable to recover from this, I am living proof. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
IMHO, Prayer is the key....
SH

stillhurts-Thank you for your honest reply. One of the things I find myself wanting to ask him is- How are you feeling about her? Last week he told me that he still thinks about her but not as much as he had just a couple of weeks ago. OW is seeing someone else and that bothers him. It hurst so much to hear him say that. I don't want him to tell me what I want to hear- that he doesn't care for her anymore. But I also want to know if H is making progress getting out of the "fog". H is being very nice to me. I am being very nice to him. My attention towards him is sincere as I do love him.
Earlier last month H had told me he didn't love me at all. Now he says he does. Do I believe him. How is it possible? Was it the "fog" I am glad to hear that you and W have survived the A and are now happy. This gives me hope. When you say we are still green. Do you mean that he can easily slip? OW is a co-worker. He has spoken to her many times even though he knows it hurts me. I know I can't control what he decides to do and understand that If he doesn't stop contacting her on his own, it won't have any meaning. How should I handle it if tells me that he has spoken with OW. If it happens again? So many questions.

Hurt,
When I said green, I meant that d-day was only 3 months ago so you are still very early into recovery. I say recovery because it seem that your WS has said that he wants to work things out so that is progress so there is alot of hope for you both. It is unfortunate that he works with her. Ideally, there should be no contact because if there is, recovery is much slower and somtimes not possable. I understand that changing jobs is somtimes hard and even imposable but the further apart they are the better.
Have you read Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs yet? If not I recomend that you do and consider reading it with your husband when you have some quite time, mabey before you go to bed at night. You will be very inlightend and your WS will start to understand why and how things went the way they did. Your story is not uncommon.
There is a period of withdrawl that he is most likely going through right now. I know it sucks to even consider this but its reality. This will pass but the less contact the better.
If you go to the top of this page and click on "concepts" you should find the "Policy of joint agreement", this explains how you both must be in agreement on all things so that you wont build resentment towards each other. He is still in contact with her and this hurts you therfore you are not in joint agreement.
Keep reading and learning, this will help big time. Come here often to talk, vent, cry, ask questions.... There are alot of good people here and even more on General Questions II board.
I am praying for you right now. You are going to be okey. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
SH

I found out my husband has beening having an affair. He has openly admitted this to me. We have been talking and this has been great. I told him I could forgive him once but not again. He has been very supporting of what I have to say and visa versa. He is working very hard to resolve things. He says ne needs to find himself. How does one do this? Are we going in the right direction? We have two young children under 10. She has 5 children ages 5-14.Does anyone have suggestions for me?

Nancy,
Welcome to Marriage Builders. When a WS (wayward spouse) says that "I need to find myself" They are saying that they are confused about what they are feeling and not sure how to correct the mess that they have gotten into. I suggest that you look into counseling right away. Also, go to the top of this page and click on "concepts" and read read read. I do suggest that you get the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley this too will help you and your husband understand just how your marriage got to this ugly place called infidelity.
I encorage you to start your own thread (topic) and tell your whole story so that others will see you. That way you will get allott more support and advise. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.

SH