Well this is my first time posting. I discovered MB just last week and am so greatful I did. I wish I had nothing to post in the section but unfortunately that's not the case.

A little about myself, I'm a stay at home mom (32 yrs old) with 3 girls, ages, 9, 6 & 6 months. I had a PA over 6 yrs ago, one-night stand with a co-worker. I never told my H at the time (I wish I had) but had to 4 yrs later. We never talked about it again.

My H(38 yrs old) was always the best in my eyes. He (at least I thought) was honest and caring and a great dad. On June 28th my world came crashing down around me. On the 27th of that evening he got a page from his work. Not uncommon at all in his profession, one of his servers was down so he had to go to work to bring it back up. He left about 10 pm. At around midnight I called our cellphone to see how things were going. He told me probably another 10 minutes he'll be leaving. When he came home I suspected nothing, had no reasons too. We went to bed and right then I had the strongest gut feeling that something wasn't right. He "ALWAYS" kisses me before we go to sleep. He didn't this night, plus his back was to me. I asked him for a kiss and he gave me the weirdest kiss I've ever felt. I KNEW something was up. So then I proceed to get a little frisky with him. His reponse was, "no baby, I'm really tired". We have been married 10 yrs and have had a relationship for 13 yrs. Never in all these years has my husband EVER turned me down! I asked him what's going on...he stood his ground and said nothing. So then (I should get some kind of best actress award) I thought I'll try a different approach. I started crying...telling him how awful I am for even thinking he would do anything wrong (but the whole time I was doing this I was seething) please forgive me for not trusting you. He broke down, started to cry. I went cold.

He told me that he met this OW in a chat room. He had been talking with her for 3 months and she lived in the same state as us. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt...thinking maybe he met her in an innocent chat room...bah! He met her in an adult room. I was sick to my stomach. He told me 3 wks before that night he kissed her. He was feeling guilty and wanted to tell me but he said she talked him out of it, saying, nothing happened, she doesn't need to know. Then the evening I found out, he did go to his work, but drove by her work (he knew her schedule) and she performed oral sex on him. He swears that's the only contact he had with her.

He told me he was going to tell me, we'll never know if that's the truth, since I believe God wanted me to find out on my own. The strangest thing about all this is during all of this time he was doing this behind my back I was depressed. We just recently had our baby, but I knew that the depression wasn't caused from that. I couldn't explain to anyone or myself why I was feeling so awful about myself. I remember even looking in the mirror and feeling so disgusted with myself.

Anyways, the next day we went to his work and deleted his chat program he said he was using to communicate with her. He told me that he will never communicate with her again, and if for some reason she comes looking for him he will tell me. Believe me, I am not being naive about all of this. I will be watching him like a hawk, but I don't want him to know everything.

We did the EN questionnaire and it helped me deal with all of this so much better. He is very remorseful and is doing things he hasn't done in years. Just this past friday he surprised us with dinner. On fridays, I'm always running around late with the kids. When we got home he had picked up dinner, dessert & flowers.

I'm working hard on putting all of this in past us, but sometimes my thoughts go back to how I was so in the dark about all of this. He gave me access from my computer to see what is on his computer at work and here at home (we have 3 machines at home). I feel bad for snooping on his machines but am drawn to doing it. When do I stop the snooping? Will time truly heal all of this?

Thanks for listening. I really needed to get this out in the open <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry you are in this situation, but it sounds like you are both working on successful recovery.

Most of the advice on snooping I've read here is to stop once you've found out. My experience has been a little different since my FWH is a repeat offender. I don't ever plan to stop snooping this time. I'm not as diligent as I was, checking every week or so, but I have no plans to stop for the next two years. FWH is definitely an addict, admits it, and is working hard to overcome it. But it will take years this time for me to ease off the snooping.

Thanx KS41 for your reply.

I found some bit of new information when I was snooping today and I don't know if I should keep it to myself or bring it out into the open. I don't know what good it would do but it has been on my mind all day since I discovered it. I mentioned above that I made him delete the chat program he was using for his A. He told me his OW's screen name. I was able to get into the program today, I feel that he isn't using it anymore but I noticed in his contacts the name which he told me is different from the name he has as his contact. What should I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

CITA,
Welcome to MB. I'm glad you found this site so soon, it will help you so much to have a place to turn when you feel hopeless.
Go to the top of this page and click on "concepts" find the "Policy of Radical Honesty" and print it out. Share this with your husband so he will have a deeper understanding of what you both need to do to speed this recovery prosess. Then share with him what you have discovered. Comunication is a major key to recovery, if you hold in these things that bother you, resentment will set in and a wall will develop between you.
Come here often, and let us know how you are doing.
SH