I have just found out after nearly a year that OM is back on the scene. My W left yesterday and I took a call at home to say that she needed time away with the boys.

Then late tonight she called to say that she was going to be with him and that we hadn't worked out.

I am so mad right now and don't lnow what to do. I have to get up in 3 hours to try and go to work.

Ben.

Ben,

Nothing you could do right now but taking care of yourself. Think of it right now as if your WW is addicted ... the drug is OM and her A. Similiar to alcholic or drug junkie ... they cheat, lies, steal and do beyond their normal "moral" to prolong their A.

I know you have a hard time when I told you that you are in plan A ... you are in plan A and OM probably never leave the scene ... at least there must be contact all along.

I know you are so mad right know since you feel D-day all over again. I never bought her excuse of abused to not working on M !!!. When you are longing for love ... the best place to find refuge is in your partner.

What to do ? ... try to rest and go to work. Get busy ... later when you are calmed, you need to look at yourself .... what do you want to do ?. It is d-day all over again. Sorry ... Call me if you want ... email me w/ your #. I can't sleep tonite, I might be able to keep you company.

-RH-

Ben,

i am so sorry to hear that things have taken a bad turn for you. Please take time for yourself. Keep strong and know that my thoughts are with you.

I cant imagine how painful this time is for you but please keep yourself safe.

Thanks Guys,

It's more confusing than ever. She says OM has been in contact but has now changed her tune. She says she's not going with him, just that we're not "working out" and that she needs to "get" us whatever that means.

She says she is staying with her Aunt until the weekend and will be back on Saturday.

My Boss has let me switch to day shifts so that I can get some legal advice about the kids and a D if I have to (I haven't done anytthing at all on that before). I have an appt with the Doc re: Anti-D's also.

You are right RH it does fill like D-Day 2 again after last thanksgiving! It's so confusing how I feel about this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ben.

Ben,
Hang in there. No gurantee in life ... only one gurantee if you follow plan A/B, you will either moving on to happy recover with fullfiling M in sight or you will be able to move on guilt free and looking foward w/ sense of control in your life. Plan A is about letting the control go and Plan B is about taking the control back ... your life back.

Try to post to others there are many poster that didn't have enough response and there are many lurkers (specially martian) that suffers in silence.

God Bless you.

Will do RH, thanks for the continued support. Am gonna try and just spend the next few days sorting out my stuff, having a yard sale etc and try and take in some movies.

Am not going to call WS - just leave her alone.

Have emailed Aunt to say call me on my mobile if there is any emergency.

My Doc has prescribed Celexa instead of Zoloft which I had before. Not sure what to think of that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am not going to start a Plan B letter yet, just see what happens over Sat/Sun.

Am spending this afternoon with the Lawyers for some advice. Ben.

Ben,

You are doing good and on the right track. Consult with your lawyer to know your right ... Again if you afford it ... consult with Steve Harley about M, he has helped me to be where I am at right now.

Usually Doc changes AD to prevent addiction or dependency. I had paxil.

Waiting is the hardest job in the world if you don't know what to do with the thousand of seconds in your hands. -RH-

Celexa is a tricyclic antidepressant (TCA) - relatively new on the market, although TCA's are not new. They are in a different class of AD from the SSRI's (selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitors) like Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac. Celexa is fairly well tolerated, the chief side effect is a dry mouth - lots of water and hard candies will help. One of the advantages is that the dose can be adjusted up to 50 or 60 mgs if you do not respond to a lower dose. So keep in touch with your MD if no better in 4 or 6 weeks (which right now seems like an eternity to you and me both!) In addition to addiction/dependancy issues mentioned by redhat, your MD may also have chosen to switch if you did not have an adequate response to the Zoloft previously.

Two other possible problems with ADs. Some (many) experience loss of libido(sex drive). In depression and other stressful states this may not be apparent as depression itself causes loss of sex drive. But as your mood improves and especially if your WW emerges from her fog and recovers her senses this may emerge as a problem. Often (almost always - dont panic!) lowering the dose or eliminating the AD is the solution. Secondly, some people have a hard time coming off the ADs. Symptoms recurr and it can feel like its starting all over again. If this is a problem then taper the dose slowly and come off in a non stressfull time with lots of support.

I am a Family Doctor and this is general advice of the type I give my pts. I am also a BS with D-day 3 wks ago. Time weighs heavily.

Take care of yourself. Our hearts are with you.

{{Running Man}}

I am so sorry to hear of this lapse. Please be strong and realize you have been doing your best all along. You had no control over this.

I can not offer any good advice except to speak to several lawyers. I have just begun the lawyer search and I have gotten very different legal advice depending on the lawyer. This makes it very confusing. I have noticed that the lower the retaining fee the more I would get screwed. So I am not sure how to read that. The most expensive lawyers tell me what I want to hear but does that mean it will happen? I do not know. I am willing to pay whatever price toget what I want. And I'm not asking for much.

Good luck and know that I am praying for you.
Forgiver

<small>[ August 08, 2002, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: Forgiver ]</small>