i have a question,i found out my wife had affair with my best friend..i found her at his place..then the lies started..she was telling me so many lies..played on my feelings..used them against me and went way out of the way to cover them up..now she says she has told me all..for the 7th story..i still dont beleive she is telling me the whole truth.but she did tell me things that i dont like to hear...now my question is im tired of asking,trying to figure it out,tired of dealing with it..i told her to figure it out and find a way to help me.that its up to her to do this..im tired..we are on the second coun.the first one i told him to stick it.he wasent helping.he was making it worse..the second coun.seems to be nice we will see.

would like to know what she can do for me at this time to help....any ideas....

thank you montrose

Hey Montrose....

Sorry to hear, your best friend. Gee thats tough - double betrayal. Glad that you found MB, it's been of great help to me.

My relationship stinks, so I am probably not the best person to be giving advice, but I can tell you what my H could do to make things better, and maybe these are things that could help you.

Stop the blame game. H likes to point out (very frequently for the past 4.5 months) that had I done a better job of meeting his needs then he wouldn't have been running around. Now really, I'm sure that I wasn't meeting his needs but he certainly wasn't meeting mine and I wasn't fooling around on him. I have appologized, but rather than him take responsibility he continues to put the blame on me.

He could try to meet my needs, beginning with conversation. He is a master of the silent treatment - can do it for weeks. Its unproductive and a big LB. I have bent over backwards to be meeting his.

He could buy me jewelry. Ok - no jokes.

He could buy a new wedding ring - one of his girlfriends (oh yes, there were many), asked him to get rid of it and so he did. There is a much more painful and graphic story here, but the result is the same.

He could behave in a committed-to-the-marriage manner. That means not making me last priority in his life.

He could try to have a positive attitude and try to belevie in it rather than saying "it just can't be fixed" all of the time.

Phew. My marriage sounds like a party doesn't it? I'm here with you and wish you well....it's a long hard road. God Bless, hope this helps some.

Spy Wife

Oh yeah...one more.

He could be remorseful about it. Not act justified.

I think thats it.

SW

Hi - I am the BS. My H has done EVERYTHING for me since D-day. Changed his cell number, sold our house so we can move away from "her", continues to see a therapist, tells me EVERY day how much he loves me, and has shown REAL remorse!

If your W wants to help fix your M, there are countless things she can do. The above are just a FEW of the things my H has been doing for me! Make sure she knows what you need from her.

I hope everything works out!

-mc needs your help