My sister made a BAD mistake. She withheld from me the fact that she KNEW my fiance had slept with a guy she had JUST MET a mere TWO WEEKS before our marriage.

We were married in June 2000.

I just found out last night, August 7, 2002 about this.

Now my wife does not know I know, and I need to approach her about this.

Any ideas on the best way to breach the subject with her? I want to forgive her, but the TRUST I had will be gone forever if this is true, which I am almost certain it is.

HELP PLEASE !!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

still trying to think of how to approach it with your wife, but have to ask.....

WHY DID YOUR SISTER TELL YOU THIS??

I am sorry what you are going through. How could your sister not have told you is beyond me. Your
fiance sleeps with a man she just met two weeks before your marriage and puts your health at risk? The problem of course is how can you be sure she has not done it since and will do it in the future. I think that she was very cruel to you.
You need to discuss this with your wife immediately. This is very serious and unfortunately says a great deal about her character and feelings concerning committment and her lack of respect toward you.
Do not even think about having children until you discuss this and understand how and why a woman you were to marry would sleep with a strange man two weeks before the marriage. Do not be so quick to make a blanket forgiveness until you understand everything and she acknowledges her actions and why she did them. Her behavior is incomprehensible. I wish you luck.

Hi, lars,

I'm sorry for what brings you here. I was married January 2000 and I found out 1 week before our wedding that my H slept with another woman just 2 weeks before the wedding. It's a long story, but I did go through with the wedding after learning the truth - I really believed it was an isolated incident.

I don't have any suggestions other than to be straight forward and honest with what you know.

Do you think your sister would be making this up? I surely hope she wouldn't, but be prepared for your W to say it's not true.

Have you thought about contacting and talking with a counselor before you approach your W?

How are you handling this right now (keeping it to yourself)? Take care of yourself and keep posting!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm trying to answer all the posts since my first post in this one reply, so everyone who replied, thanks very much, and here are the answers.

"WHY DID YOUR SISTER TELL YOU THIS?" - the answer to this one is TOO complicated to explain fully, but the condensed version is this: My sister and Mom both had a FANTASTIC relationship with my fiance before the marriage. My sister and her were like two Peas in a Pod - they laughed, had a blast, went shopping, partied together. I was considering myself a VERY lucky man - my WHOLE FAMILY loved my soon-to-be bride. Then, shortly after the wedding, my sister and Mom started talking bad about my wife, and telling me she was using me, etc. etc. It was INEXPLICABLE to me. So of course I fought it, tried to convince them they were way off base, etc etc. This has been a two year battle. Then last week, my sister called me again complaining about my choice of a wife, and I FLAT OUT ASKED HER for about the tenth time, "What is your problem with my wife - just tell me !!" So I got the story about the trip my sister and my fiance took together, and how they met these guys at a bar, and how by coincidence the guys were staying at the SAME hotel as they were, and how they all got very drunk, and how the next morning my sister woke up and my fiance was NOT in the room with her. She showed up later in the morning, with not a word of explanation. So DUH, I guess it was obvious where she spent the night. Then later in the day, they were lunching with these two guys again, and some comments were made which presented a more clearer picture of what had happened the previous night.

"Do you think your sister would be making this up?" - Well, from the above explanation, I hope you see that her story is pretty well solid. Also - during the time they were there, my fiance NEVER called me, for three days. I FINALLY got a phone call from her, and it turns out (my sister just told me this week) that she placed that call from this other guy's cell phone. I had been WORRIED SICK not hearing from them for three days.

"How about seeing a counselor, and how are you handling it right now?" Well, on this one, I don't want to see a counselor because things are really too complicated to explain to someone right now. We are selling our house, etc etc. And as far as handling it, I am just trying to figure out in my mind HOW exactly to bring up the subject. Here are the options I have been juggling:

1. After telling her I had something important to talk to her about, and setting up a good location and situation for the conversation, just casually asking her to "Think about the WORST thing you have ever done to me. Even something BEFORE we got married. What would you think that would be?" That gives her a chance to come clean before I have to tell her what I know.
2. Telling her I had a conversation with my sister, and that my sister had told me some things I could hardly believe, and that I would like to hear HER side of ths story. Then giving her SOME of the info, and letting HER fill in the blanks and seeing how far she goes.
3. Asking her "How would you feel if I told you I had slept with someone a few weeks before our marriage?" and seeing how she reacts and then breaking the news to her about what my sister told me.
4. Taking the hard line and saying, "I know about what you did on the trip with my sister in early June 2000. You had better be able to come up with a suitable explanation that rebuilds my trust and fuels my forgiveness, or we are headed for some serious trouble in this marriage."

As some added info: My wife and I married in our mid-30's. We were former high school sweethearts (eight months when she was 15 and I was 16) who met again at the end of my first marriage. This is her third. She has three kids, I have custody of my two.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words so far. This board is great.

Your sister withholding this information is
absolutely horrible and their is no excuse for it. I would ask your wife to explain her actions and how she would cheat on you and put your health at risk just two weeks before she got married by having sex with a strange man.
I have a hunch why she is on her third marriage.
I do not see how a woman who loves a man she is going to marry in two weeks could be capable of doing this. How sweet she called you on the OM's cell phone. I would think only a person with a major character flaw would be capable of such action. I agree with your mother and sister that you need to protect yourself. You need to deal with this issue immediately. She sounds extremely untrustworthy. I wish you luck.

Dear Lars,

two years you have been married happily and she has done nothing else that you know about in terms of A? Before a wedding sometimes people get cold feet (ask around among your friends or here in this forum)and ask themselves: am I making the right decision here? In extreme circumstances that could lead to a one-night stand. There were also other factors involved in your wife's behavior such as alcohol (no excuse-but still a factor). It has nothing to do with you as the future husband. It's a general thing.
If she's been a good wife after that one episode, I would just address it with her when you are more calm and over this first shock. All the best