My husband asked me to move out 3 weeks ago, he never said "legal separation or dovorce". He just wants me to get out from his life. 1 week later I found out he has been seeing another woman (H is 37 and she is prob. early 20's)

Our 5years of marrige was not the greatest. we had a lot of argument, but he always tried to save our marrige. I was the one did not try,

I have been in school for the last 3 years and I had a life opportunity ( I thought it was) to intern a prestigious company, so I left for 6 month for the internship hoping that he would miss me so much. Now of course I regret.

Since I came back home, my husband has been avoiding me and stayed over his friend house (I am not sure if he is w/ her). When he comes home, he askes me to move out. Last night he told me that is is too late and he does not love me. He also said if I do not move out he will. I am from another country and all my family are there. I do not have a lot of friends around here. I thought there is no reason that I should move out. and all, I love him w/ all my heart.

I realized how much I hurt him and I would like to make it up, but of course he would not let me.

It does not sound like i am devasted, but I am. I have thought about letting him be free, if that's makes him happier. But I cannnotn there is a little voice inside of me telling me not to. This is the real life opportunity: to change myself. I am willing to do whatever to save our marrige.

Dear WaveRave,

First of all, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. The pain of an affair is devastating no matter what the circumstances are. It sounds like you have had a turbulent marriage so far. You have admitted that your H has tried to "save" your marriage in the past but you ignored his pleas. Then to top it off you moved away from your husband for 6 months. It sounds to me like your husband has simply given up on your marriage. The only thing you can do at this point is to tell him how you really feel and that you are willing to do anything to make your marriage work.

You cannot force your husband to do anything but you can ask him if he is willing to try. If he is not willing at this point you should probably consider going to plan A. You do not want to fuel his reason for having an affair by LB'ing.

Continue to post and vent, and remember, there are lots of us that have been through what you are now going through.....You're not alone.

Best of Luck

ww4l

Thanks WantWife4life

I did tell him that I am willing to do whatever it takes but he does not believe me.

My internship for the 6 months was, I thought, our mutual decision. My H knew that I had to do that and he even helped me to move, and he came to visit me once and we had a wonderful time.

Now my H only come home in the morning and take shower and take off for work. I make his lunch which I had not been able to do for 6months, and he takes it. Wouldn't you think if he does not care he would not take the lunch?

It has been 4 weeks since I came back from my internship. My H only come home in the morning and take shower and take off for work. I do not understand why he even comes home, it would be easier if he just move out. I would not have to worry where he is. But I do not ask him (maybe I just do not want to know) where he stays. We hardly have any conversation.

Suprisingly I am not mad at him nor her. I am just devastated that he might be our of my life forever, or maybe he already has.

I am just hoping he will come back to me, but also I am not sure if that would be the best thing. I guess I am scared.... So now I have to let go him, and start think of myself.

Please someone help me. I am going drazy here. my H came home yeasterday, and I thought things were okay. But then, when i left for a walk for about 10 minutes, he called her. I knocked the door where he was and I found him in the closet talking.

He takes her to sailing, our boat. Only the recuation we had common in the summer, of course he has not take me since I found out about A.

I know I should not think about it, but that's only I can think about. I have been smoking and drinking, and I have been calling psychic readings so that I have someone to talke to.

If someone told me "Don't you see this M is over" maybe I can let go. but again, there is small voice inside of me telling me "He will come back. Hang in there".

I finally ask H to move out, I just could not stand the fact that H stays w/ her every night and come back every morning.

I am nice person and I do not deserve this. He treats me like a S***. I told him to go ahead and file for divorce, if he wants to.

I was hoping he would come back, but I started to think maybe that's not what I want. If he cannot treat me nice now knowing that he is hurting me, he would do it again.

I will be back in school soon. It will keep me busy and I will atrat meeting people.

You need a support system bad. See a counselor, I would suggest a christian counselor - but see one.

Also, find a support group. Often a local church will have a group on marriage or divorce that can support you. Also, sometimes they have groups of certain ethnic backgrounds that may be a source for you. Look in the phone book for a group that may be from your country.

You are feeling alone right now and depressed. You need a support group. Put your efforts into that right now and let go of your H for now. Sometimes we try so hard to hold on that we look needy and it is unattractive to them.

Get a support group.

John

There are, as far as I see it, two reasons for having an affair. One is as preparation for leaving the marriage. The other is simply because an individual is desperately unhappy. Most fall in to the latter category.

The suggestion that you need a support network is spot on. This site, a GOOD counsellor, a friend who ideally is female (not somebody who knows your husband well) and tremendous belief will get you through this.

There are only two outcomes for you. A happy future with your husband or A happy future without your husband. A lot of crap will pass before you reach these outcomes, but believe me, you have the strength to get there!

Now, read up on "Plan A" in this site. Quick summary - while your husband should know that his actions are unacceptable to you, there is no need to go to war with him.

Carry out those household chores that have always been yours. Get a healthy hobby (swimming was mine), maintain your appearance - don't let yourself go. And believe in yourself as an individual. Don't move out - that's a "Plan B" option further down the line if "Plan A" fails.

This could be a 6 month road. Hopefully a bit less. You cannot simply make him give her up and come back to your marriage. He's lost in a place I hope I never go! All you can do is let him see that you are a decent, honest individual who, despite everything, still loves him.

To start with you will see more confusion in him. His "other" relationship will also move from a phase of high passion to real world! Gradually he will relaise he has to make a decision - "the real you" v "the real her"! At the moment it's "the messed up you" v "the new, exciting and sexy her".

Focus on you. Don't stray yourself (my lord I found it tempting!). When he gives her up, there is then some real work to do!

Good luck!

I am really starting to get angry w/ him. Sometimes I just want to hurt him the he is hurting me. Stupid thought, ha?

I prob should try more, as I only tried for a month. But I am not sure if I could go on. I think I will strat focusing myself to be better person.

My H fimally told me that he like OW.
I asked him again to move out, possibly living w/ her, because I just cannot stand thinking of them together and he comes back home o the morning.

i told him I cannot go on like this and he agrees. He started talking about MUTUAL DIVORCE: who takes which assets.
i told him take whatever he wants that what he makes him happy. He said it will be fair, and i told him "nothing is fair."

I am just going to tell him whatever he wants to do it is fine w/ me. I told him I just want him to be happy. He told me the same thing....

I feel like this is the first time we really talk and will will talke more whatever it is...

He told me he does not know what to do now, and also asked me what I want to do. So I told him to give another chance, which I doubt he will.

I just have to be calm and talk w/ him more.

Last night we had a really good conversation. my H started to show me his realy emotion. I could tell he has been hurt. He told me he loves me but he is not sure what to do now. I was pushing him to move out, but this morning I sent him a E-mail telling him that if he wants to stay I want to him to stay. And I also told him I love him with all my heart.

I thought I could not go on like this but I would be hurting anyway. why not try? right? I am strating to realize I am working on Plan A without thinking, and hope it will work out. He said that he will not be able to do much for 2 weeks because he is really busy. After 2 weeks maybe he will move out, I do no know. I only know that I will just be patient.