i'm new to this forum. the main issue is my jealous, angry reactions to his "truthful" telling of meetings with OW. we have created a contract: one of my obligations is to lose weight (have successfully lost 19 lbs since oct 8, '99), one of his is to cut all contact with OW.<P>he promises me he has cut off all contact with her. yet i keep finding indications that they are still in contact: they cross paths at work, e-mail on a different server, his attitude towards me is different when he's been in contact with her, etc.<P>and he wonders why i'm continuing mys suspicious, jealous, mistrustful actions toward him. i don't think he has cut her off, therefore, and i don't think i can trust him. <P>he says he wants to try to salvage our marriage, and yet, he isn't acting like it.<P>i pray that i won't be the angry, jealous, nagging, old hag wife that drives him away more. <P>but i don't want to blindly live on as though it is ok for him to continue his "friendship" with her.<P>in the past i have seen some of the poetry he has sent her & it goes beyond friendship!<P>well, i must go.<BR>hope to hear some suggestions from you all<BR>lost girl

Lostgirl,<BR> Read my prfile by clicking on the suglasses. I think we have alot in common. I must tell you that all the argueing in the word that I have done so far just makes him deny even more that it is anything but frienship.The only time I have started to see a change in his behavior is when I started to apply the marriage builders principles and stopped questioning him, just started to treat him with more respect and plan friendly things for us to do with no pressure. I can't make him stop seeing her at this point. He needs to want to do that himself. You need to work on yourself first and hopefully he will come to his senses in time.There are others here that are more informed than me. I have barely begun this long process, But I want you to know you are not alone. Lora

Hi lostgirl:<BR>I know how you feel...they tell us (the wife) what they want to hear...at least my husban does...they become as sweet as pie...they dont' want to give us up...they know how important we are to them...they actually love us (most husbands really do)...but, at the same time, they keep lying to us...this drives me crazy too...my husband had a two year affair (approximately) with someone that worked for him...she had to leave the job because I told him either she goes or I go...but...he has a hair salon and her sister and mother go in there all the time (he refused to tell them to go somewhere else) I think he cuts the OW's hair secretly even I told him I no longer want her in the shop (they were having sex right there, after work)...I know he talks to her all the time...and he probably finds the time to see her too because she only lives exactly 12 minute away from my house (she moved closer to us during the affair)...all the while...I can no longer bring up her name because he gets very upset with me...denies that the affair is still going on...tells me that If I can't accept the fact that he is no longer sleeping with her and if I keep mistrusting him (he says he feels like he is in prison)then I should make a decision and leave him...he knows he's got me there...because my teenagers get very upset when divorce comes up and I don't want to ruin my children's happy home...therefore...I can bet a lot of money on the fact that its not over....it may never be over....my plan is to start living my own life...do what I want...and ignore what he does...if this is at all possible...meanwhile...it is my opinion that men like my husband and women like her have no scruples, no morals, no integrity and care primarily about their own physical (and possibly emotional...at least it is on her part...for my husband...she put him on the pedestal and he likes that)...)I love my husband but at the same time I can't bring myself to ever trusting him again...everything he does, everywhere he goes is suspicious...........they are unrealistic if they think we can just give them our trust when they don't deserve it.........