Hello everyone, hope you are all ok. I'll start off this by saying that i don't like who I have become. I'm submissive and the term "treating them mean and keeping them keen" is being taken to a whole new level by my H. Some might say it's my own fault for staying with him and putting up with all this, I know some of my friends think that I am stupid but I really want to make this marriage work, and I really believe that one day it might. If some of you have read my previous posts, you'll know about my H, if you haven't here it is in a nut shell. H had a brief "fling just beofre we were married, i thought i would be able to handle things, i can't, have told H i am uncomfortable with him seeing OW (but their just "friends of course, sarcastic tone intended)but he continues to take her to movies, talk on the phone, and see her at work. Just last night, I listened to one of their conversations, from behind the bedroom door, they was talking for a bit and then he said "time to go and be supervised again, time to go back to work" (he calls me his supervisor and says that being with me is like working. I am called this because I try and ask him to be intimate with me instead of porn on the internet. Then he tells her that she is his "little ray of sunshine" whereas I am a *****. Just today I found out that he is loaning her money and payed for her contact lenses. Today I had a bath and he looked at porn, I knew he was doing this, I finished earlier and got out of the bath, I thought that if I hid things with lubricating properties he'd maybe get horny and want to be with me, so I got out of the bath and came into the living area, he asked me if i could give him a minute, so I knelt down and tried touching his leg at that point I was pushed away, I looked to the right of him and the food cupboard was open, he had resorted to using cooking oil. I felt totally digusted by this. He proceeds to tell me that maybe if I was more like OW then he might want to be with me.

I am so sick and tired of trying to make him happy, I am depressed but have yet to get medication as I thought that I could handle things on my own. I'm sorry I'm sounding like a drama queen, and I know that there are people who are hurting much more than me, but I am a real wimp when it comes to feelings. I have no one to talk to and it does my head in that he tells her mean things about me and that she is his "ray of sunshine". He then tells me he loves me and say's he doesn't want me to go home (am from U.K) but then he pushes me away again. When I confront him about saying these mean things he says that he never and wouldn't ever tell her bad things about me. I know this is not true as have heard him many times. I want to be wanted by him so bad. I'm sorry if I sound stupid, god knows thats what he would say. Another thing, because I can't work yet because of immigration issues, he tells her that I can't "do ****". So, I feel pretty much useless. I'm sorry this is so long! Just need some encouraging thoughts right now. Cheers mates.

I don't have any great insight, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are going through all this! NOBODY deserves to feel like sh*t!!! I don't think you are a drama queen for feeling the way you do... you are human, and are entitled to feel any way you want!

I am not very familiar with your story, are you doing a plan A? Have you asked him to end this "friendship"? Does he know how much you are hurting? Can the two of you discuss it without using LB's?

Like I said... I am not that great at the advice part... but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone!!!

-mcnyh

ok, while I admit I am still in a bitter stage about my WS affair, and I admit that I see merit in Plan A/ Plan B or I wouldn't be here, my advice to you is to LEAVE. go, go, go! He sounds horrible- to have an affair and proceed to verbally abuse you and throw it in your face (making comparisons to you and OW) is DISGUSTING. If you really feel like staying I would at a bare minimum insist on counseling- for both of you together, and for HIM ALONE, cause he's got problems. You should go alone as well because what he is doing is damaging you! I'm sorry to be blunt but there is just no need for this. You deserve better.

It sounds to me that he knows he can get away with being ugly to you..he knows that you're not able to work right now, you may not have many friends this side of the ocean and he's taking EXTREME advantage of that.

Set down the law sweetie start a Plan A, if he doesn't follow the rules, go straight to Plan B. Sometimes bully's (which is what he sounds like) need someone to stand up to them, then they will likely back down. Not only is he degrading you to other ppl...a big no-no in my book, he's withholding sexually. Sounds like an affair.

I'm not an expert, but this website will give you tons of information. Read and learn, then come back here for your support.

Good luck,

Lolipop