This is my first post, I have been reading for about a month - every since D-day July 19th. My WS left for about a month 3 years ago, the old "I have to sort things out". He came back and our marriage had improved, we had another baby (totally adored by WS me and 2 other sons). Life seemed to be going well until last fall. The boys and I went camping with my mother, we decieded not to stay the night. At 1:30 in the morning I paged my WS who should have been home but was not, he called and said he had gotten and apt and wanted a divorce. Well, the apt turned out to be a farmhouse owned by some women and her mother. He took the kids there, but would not let me know where it was located. After several months, he wanted to come home. I agreed even though I thought there was another woman besides the one he was living with. He came home in December, but the relationship was worse - he had many angry outbursts and would lie about working late.

Ok, so I assumed the LB's were because he felt guilty about leaving until July 1st he came home and said he had an apartment, took the boys and stayed the night at the apt. The next morning he called and again begged to come home, said he hated being away from me. I said No because we had been there done that etc. For days he told me how he was sorry so I caved in AGAIN. The the phone rang at our house at 5:00. It was the girl from 7 months ago - Long story short, she was mad that he had moved his clothes out of the apt and was home. Two days later he confessed to a 1 year long affair with this caller (co-worker).

He AGAIN told me he love me and wanted to make this marriage work. He still has the apt and stays there on weekends (too far to drive home because he is tired) he also still hides his pager and now turns cell phone off when I am around.

I think I need Plan B, but I hate to give up all hope, but I can no longer be Plan Aing and then have him go to work and chat with her all night long (she is a dispatcher so the have to talk).

Yuck, I hate to be in this situation, I need comfort and advise (friends are sick of hearing, think Divorce is only anwer).

Sorry this is so long, but a lot has happened.

<small>[ August 27, 2002, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: copswifebetrayed ]</small>

Welcome to MB,

I am sorry your story is filled with much pain. You and your H should be enjoying your new baby now not this A junk.

But this has happened before even to those in the same profession as your H. Have you read the concepts section above and can you setup a phone counseling session with Steve, Jennifer or a local competent couselor?

You personally may be going through a lot because of just having a little one. So you need to make sure you take care of yourself also.

Read up on radical honesty. Your H will also need to show what value he will bring back to the family to restore the trust that has been lost. On the other hand, make sure you take a look at yourself and see where areas of improvement will help you and your family including your H. Communication between H & W is a difficult thing. Having an OW in the pix makes it 1000x worse. But there are tools here to help.

take care,
L.