This has blown my mind, I thought things were going nice, well, better than before, these last few days me and H have been getting along, then yesterday he brings up the threesome thing. He has always wanted a threesome, I humour him and say yeah maybe one day (This before he got intimate behind my back) Now i was kinda like "sweety, how about working on us?" He then turns around and say's "besides the only person other than you I would trust with my "stuff" would be her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (ex other woman now just "friends") This makes my blood boil. Out of curiosity I say "so what would you want to do in this 3some?" The original fantasy was just to watch me do things cos "he didn't want to touch anyone else". He turns around and say's "everything, I want us to do everything" I said even make love to her and he said "yes".

This is upsetting on a tremendous scale. I want to please my husband so much and am trying to make things better, he doesn't look at porn everyday anymore, more like every 2/3 days which is a slight improvement. But why would he want to have sex with this woman in front of me when he hurt me so much before, and he's planted the seed of doubt as to what he does with her on his own. I'm so very upset and confused, please help! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ August 27, 2002, 04:57 PM: Message edited by: Girl with rage ]</small>

by "humouring" him (as you put it) and asking all your questions you are feeding it. Maybe you secretly are interested in a threesome? Perhaps you did it when you were in college or something?

No, I never had one in college and the way I was "humouring" is the only way I can get information out of him, ie, if he thinks that I am interested in something, he opens up to me more and tells me things he wouldn't usually. I USED to humour him, back before he slept with this other woman. I don't believe that I am feeding it, he knows that I am not the type of person to do things like that even though he wants me too. And even if he did think that I was "feeding" his fantasy, it is still no reason to suggests being intimate with the woman who, with my H caused all this pain. This breaks my heart to know that he wants to sleep with her again and unless I am enjoying this pain, which believe me i am not, I do not think that I would be encouraging it. If it appears that way, believe me I would rather stick pins in my eyes than give him the apparent "green light". A little dramatic but this is how i feel.

Gordo44,to imply that Girl with rage is secretly craving a threesome is really ludicrous considering the pain she is in.

GWR I am so sorry that you are hurting so much but it is obvious that your WH is still in the fog and is as thoughtless and selfish as any WS in the fog can be. Probably the best way to look at your WH at this moment is like a person that is suffering from an addiction.

Even though it hurts like h*** to hear him say such things to you, you are creating a safe environment where he trusts you with the truth (with all it's gory details) and that takes away an important advantage away from OW.

Your WH is delusional in that a threesome with you, him and ow would be a 'fun' endeavor because for that to be the case, all interested parties have to be interested and respect each other, and that is far from being the case.

I would suggest that you tell him in a CALM AND RATIONAL manner, that what he is asking not only is unrealistic but that it causes you pain that he entertains such an idea and more so with somebody that was part of the betrayal. Tell him that while he is free to chose whatever he wants in life, that you will eventually exercise that same freedom of choice to protect yourself from the pain he is still causing you. STOP AND LEAVE him alone to ponder what you said to him and hopefully he'll come to his senses as to how much he is risking by considering such a foolhardy fantasy.

Good luck and God bless.

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 02:49 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Girl with rage,

Take your rage and be smart ones ... talk back to the fog. Tell him that what if you bring a male "freind" and 3some or probably one more male .. 4some... is he ok'ed w/ it ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

About your situation ... your M is not in recovery at all ... don't kid yourself.

-RH-

Ewwww, ewwww, ewwww! Do you think he has any respect for you and your relationaship at all?? If he does, he hides it well. Don't do it. 3sums are better as fantasies.