I feel certain that my husband is flirting/seeing someone. I don't say that it has yet gone physical, but he makes excuses to be away from home or call her number. I did not give my husband details, but told him that I knew something was wrong and that I wanted us to be okay. He says we are, nothing is wrong. I have caught him a time or two on phone as he hangs up quickly and says it was business. So I brought that up and said that if he is hiding this, then yes it is a problem. He continues to say no, we are fine and there is no one else. He honestly believes that "friend" is not wrong, but he will not admit it to me because I do think it is wrong. It is not casual friend if he sneaks to flirt. (I have proof of that much.) He doesn't want to argue and so he says "friend" does not exist.

I have been reading this site a lot. Of course, since we have no problem, he is not interested in these articles. My question- when I do plan a, do I pretend that nothing is wrong? Doesn't that just make him think he has me fooled and so he continues seeing ow? As I see it, I am supposed to meet his needs as best I can figure and ignore the situation. Is that right? I understand letting him see that home is a good place to come home to, but does that just make me look stupid/naive to him? If I meet the needs that she is meeting, then will he just come home and forget about her? I do want to meet his needs. With all of our day to day normal life problems (kid, school, finances, house, etc) I don't know how to pull off the fun and exciting role that I'm sure this "friend" is playing for him, but I am willing to try.

Welcome mollyj...

There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)

About your post...

Take time to clarify what Plan A really is all about.

It is NOT..."pretend that nothing is wrong"!!!

Far from it!

"Ignore the situation"!... NO!

It is a time to be honest...
...with your H (probable WH)!

"...does that (following Plan A) just make me look stupid/naive to him"... NO! There is strength in virtue (that is where the word strength comes from!)

Do you fulfill all his needs...
...only those you can... and those that are not beyond boundaries you set!

And do express your feelings... and even more so... what you believe is making you feel that way.

If there is an affair.. or the beginnings of an affair... lying... and half-truths will be abundant. All you can do is ask for his honesty in turn.

Then... follow the true Plan A... and as often as your honesty can permit... express your thoughts and feelings.

Do read up on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim / NSR