I had a brief, but intense, physical affair with a woman much younger than me. I'm 40 she's 23. The emotional affair was on again off again for about 2 years. I would go for months at a time without contact but after a period of time she'd always manage to be the same places I was and we'd end up talking again. I am a part-time musician and that's how I had the opportunity for these meetings. I had not spoken to her in almost a year when she began showing up with a guy at my church where my wife, 3 children and I attend. After 2 or 3 times I just completely lost it. I had been seeing a counselor since the time of the affair. The counselor had advised me to not tell my wife. I since have been diagnosed as bi-polar and I am taking medication for that. Anyway, after the episode at church I realized I couldn't handle this on my own anymore. I broke down told my wife and we started seeing a counselor together. We went thru Dr. Hartley's book, "His Needs Her Needs" and "Recovering From an Affair" and we are doing really well. When I told my wife about the affair I called the OW and told her that we were through and to leave us alone. I don't know if she thought I was telling the truth since I'd done that before. I also told her that I told my wife. This is where the story gets sticky. My wife and the OW are both employed by the school system in the small town we live in. They work at different schools but my youngest son goes to the same school as the OW. The OW, according to both of the counselors I've seen, is a Border-line Personality with anti-social behavior so needless to say we've been a little afraid of what she might do. Up until now there's been no confrontation between any of us. Lately however, we've been seeing her a lot. Not anything that couldn't be explained as "accidental" but once or twice a week we're seeing her where we haven't seen her at all in 3 months. Maybe it's just a random thing. She's even come to my wife's school for receptions and other things. I realize that that's part of the job but I can't fathom going somewhere that I might run into someone's wife that I had been intimate with. I just would be so scared and ashamed I would avoid them at all costs! I just don't understand it! Sorry it took so long but my question is; Given the OW's age and mental state do you think she doesn't really think that my wife knows about her? Should we confront her, or is it best not to acknowledge her since that's probably what she wants? The bad thing is that every encounter reminds my wife of the whole thing and it just really hurts us both. I would really appreciate anyone's help with this. Thanks
