Hey everyone. H decided he doesn't want the threesome with OW now, he just wants to go back to the porn thing instead. The last few days have been hard. He doesn't talk to me and ignores me. Which makes me feel worthless. Last night I was attempting to initiate love making, he pushes me away, taps my head with his finger and says "I don't look at you that way anymore" whereas 3 nights ago he wakes me up at 4am to have sex. (Confused? Yeah, me too.) So I said "Hey fancy going to watch a movie with me thursday?" "Yeah, I'll tell you what, you give me a night on the comp (looking at porn) and we can go and watch any movie you like" he said. Now, when I blew up last week, and he said that he'd come to councelling, stop all contact with her and that he didn't want to look at porn anymore. Well, he still calls her every other day, doesn't "have time" for councelling and wants to do the porn thing once a week, which i know for a fact will increase gradually, as before.

Lately, I find myself taking my migrain medicine when I don't need it. It isn't major big time pain medication, but it has a seditive in it and I find myself taking it just to "escape" from feeling crap like I usually do. Now, I am going to be the first to admit, that this is gonna turn into a problem if I don't get help. I am in the process of looking into councelling and finding help. I have only started taking it frequently but know I can't keep doing this. He says that I am not happy as a person, I know I'm not, and he tells me that I am dragging him down and "sucking his life out of him". I "do his head in" and "irritate" him. I say "Ok, then I think maybe we should have a break and should go home for a little bit" Then he turns around and tells me he loves me, is sorry and he doesn't want me going anywhere. He pulls me in then pushes me back. I am starting to hate him for this and can feel myself despising him for being mean.

I have no real questions in this post or any real "aim" except just to vent. The med thing is stupid I know, but has anyone else needed to find an "escape"? I wouldn't mind him looking at porn if I was a wife who didn't want intimacy, but I want it everyday! I don't feel like I give him any reason to look at it, he says it's a "change" and he needs something different now and again. But, I just don't know. I've read "his needs her needs" but, is there any other books that anyone could recomend to me that would help me somehow?

Thanks, luv rach.

Funny how they don't have time for counceling, but can make the time to live TWO seperate lives!!!! Sorry I have nothing more constructive to add, too upset tongight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

No probs mate. Think I'm gonna join you. I have absolutely no energy now. It's like the man is killing whats left of my spirit. And stupid stupid rach is staying and puting up with it. Aint love grand?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I was absolutely positive that I had no future with my wife...We distanced ourselves from each other. We got into the internet to escape, thousands of dollars were spent on beanie babies(she bought), me I looked at free porn. We have a child, born with some profound neurological deficits, no family support, most times being unable to see any kind of future...Today, I love my wife and son more than life itself. It took me having a PA, wife finding out much latter and me moving out with our son. I wanted nothing to do with my wife or anyone else. She decided she wanted to remain married, she found marriage builders and worked alone at it for the first few months. I was convinced it was over. After about 2 months of my wife working on our relationship, I too began working on it. Making a long story short, my wife worked hard on staying married and convinced me that it was the right thing to do. Today we have more love than either of us thought possible for our lives together.

The point I am trying to make, it only took one of us to not give up on us both. You can be that one for your relationship....

Deedsdoer,

Thanks for making that post. It gives me (the WS who is willing to try and making all the effort) some hope.

Jen