I just found out today that my husband of a little over a year has been living a double life. We've been living together for 7 years & I never ever expected this. I kicked him out 3 weeks ago over an argument & we decided to remain seperate for the rest of September, although we still talk and still see each other.
I started having funny feeling so when his cell phone bill came I saw some suspicious calls and confronted him about it. It turns out a few days after we seperated he met a girl in a bar and dated her for a few days. I know for a fact that it is over between them and that he broke it off. I also know that he didn't spend much time with her (although what he did in that time in a mystery) because he was with me for much of the time. Well, this really tore me up...it was only 3 days ago that I found out.
I have barely ate anything in those three days...I mean some days I ate absolutely nothing, and the other I took a bite of food. I haven't been sleeping...I'm a wreck. So, out of my craziness to find out if it was indeed over between them, I changed the password on one of his email accounts to see if there were any emails from her or if she was on his buddy list. There was absolutely no evidence of this but what I did find disturbs me even more.
I found some emails with usernames and passwords so I went to the site & found it was a sex personals page. He was looking for people for discreet realtionships, 1 on 1 sex, with no commitment and no strings attached. He had registered months ago! I have no proof that anything has avtually happened although I am fairly sure that it has. He is on his way over here without knowing what it is about and I am going to confront him with all the pages I printed out.
I do love him very much...althtough I am very frightened and confused. He has always maintained that he doesn't want a divorce & that he loves me very much. I just don't know anymore...I am so torn up inside, I know he has been lying to me and I don't know if I can believe on him anymore.

We are both 28, this is our first marriage, and I have a 9yr old daughter from a previous relationship who he has raised as his own since she was 1 1/2.

I could use any kind of advise...I am lost emotionally.

you might find support and encouragement by hooking up with S-anon. That is the fellowship for spouses and friends of sex addicts. kaylaandy (my beloved spouse-she's around here) can give you contact information if you're interested.

Michelle,
I may not have words of encouragement but I know what you are feeling and know that you are not alone. I am in a very simliar situation. I am also 28 and have been married for almost 1 1/2 year. My H and I lived together for 4 years before that. I recently found out that he cheated on me with his co-worker quite a few times before and after our marriage. All this time he claimed she was "just a friend". He also says that he loves me and is sorry but I know actions speak louder than words. We are currently seperated and have our first appt with a MC next week.

The only advice I can give is see a MC. If he won't go, you go on your own. Also, seek God's help. I do not know if you are religious or not but I find a slight bit of comfort in knowing God is with me through this ordeal. Talk to friends about it, or talk to someone about it, do not keep the feelings inside. As devastating as it is, there may be hope. Too many people think our generation is irresponsible and divorce too quickly. We must prove them wrong. We are modern women who make our own choices and if you still love him, than try to work it out, we can get through this somehow. I wish I knew what else to say but I too am looking for answers. If he wants to save the marriage, he will agree to do anything to work it out.
Also, I posted my own story on the "in recovery" section. Someone recommended an article to me at FindArticles.com called "Shattered Vows". Read it, its very interesting and puts many things in perspective. Good luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi Michelle.

I understand your desparation first-hand. I also have a hubby that does/did the personal ads and internet dates. It is truly devastating. A couple of other good books for you are "Living with your Husbands Secret Wars" and "When your lover is a Liar". Please find help for you. SA, CoSA, this place, etc.

I also did not eat, did not sleep and completely fell apart. I have children understand the confusion that they go through. How is your daughter holding up?

How did the confrontation go? I don't handle these things well and just raged about it. My husband did admit to everything I found and more. A big mistake that I made is trying to fix it all for him. Try not to do that, he neeeds to be responsible for his own recovery and you need to concentrate on you and that daughter of yours.

There are several people around here with SA husbands. You might check out the Penchant for Prostitutes thread. There are several people there with similar issues.

Good luck and God Bless.

PasDeDeux

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words and the advise. I had posted this right after I had found the information & it felt so good to be able to get it off my chest.
I did confront him that night, he was working & had plans to go out but came over here instead. He couldn't deny because I had his profile printed out along with everything else from his ad. I was amazingly calm, I guess I've just come to the realization that anger isn't going to help anything. He admitted it, he said he had done it out of curiosity at a time when we weren't getting along. He told me he had never met with anyone...and I do believe it because all of the emails & replies were saved at the site and there was no indications of anything going on. I told him that I was upset because he couldn't talk to me about any of this and that if he had told me he wasn't satisfied with our sex life or wanted to try new things he could've come to me & I would have been willing to work wih him.
It has been almost a week since then, and things have been very good...he has been extremely honest with me and told me about his frequent masturbation and how for awhile he had just tons of porn downloaded (which he had deleted awhile ago...trust me I searched).
I did spend about 2 days going through every dating service or onine sex ad site and searching for any that could have been his and there were no others, so that was a big relief.
I am "back to normal" and able to eat and sleep again. I almost like to think that this helped our relationship because it is much more open and honest now. I was a very cruel person, who used cruel words and threats to convey my anger. Since coming to this site so much has changed inside of me and I realize how I really hurt him. I've been very calm, think before I act or speak, and always word things kindly rather then cruelly, and I am much happier, and I think he is realizing this and I really think it is helping.