D-Day was September 3, 2002. My wife of 11 years this September 14th, traveled 1500 miles to meet a man she had met playing an on-line game, Everquest. She told me this was the first time they had met. I asked her if they did anything and she told me he hugged her. I asked if they kissed, she said no but that she wanted to and that she thought about something more physical. She came home a day early than she was supposed to. Im unsure if that means anything, except maybe she felt guilty. I don't know for sure what happened and at this point to me it doesn't matter. Just the fact of going 1500 miles to see him is enough. She says she loves me because I am the father of her children, but she can't honestly say she is "In Love" with me.
We have 2 wonderful boys ages 8 and 5. A little background. I had an EA five years ago with
a co-worker in the same place where my wife and I worked, a large hospital. When she was 3 months
pregnant with my second son, I told her I wanted out. Looking back I can’t believe any MAN would
do such a thing. I have felt ashamed for so long and still do. Her sister and I have always had a fun joking relationship. There has always been sexual banter between us. 3 years ago her sister told her I was making passes at her. Luckily for me, everyone in our family had seen what was happening and my wife took my side. Her sister has a life threatening disease and lives about 150 miles away. Their relationship, that was once close, was gone. I know this has had a great impact on her.
I am unsure what to do next. She tells me she was too scared to leave when she found out
about the co-worker, since she was pregnant and all. But that now, she is a stronger person. She has been working out regularly and feels good about herself.
We are both in counseling separately and
she tells me she needs to see if she is able to get past what I have done to her in the past. My
counselor tells me not to separate. He says being there, no matter how hard it is, will show her that I want the marriage to work. I do. I hope my saving grace is that this guy lives 1,500 miles away and
I’m here with her. He cannot move due to family and work. So I know that the relationship cannot
mature. I am being calm, caring and humble with her. Right now we are not talking. She acts as if
me just being there annoys her. I know its only been a week, but does anyone have any advice on what to do next?

Personally, if you can get her to quit playing EQ, I would. I have played it, I enjoy it to a point, it is okay - but I am not obsessed with it. My H plays it everday (almost). Sometimes, it interferes with family life.

If she will not stop playing EQ, ask her to create a new character and delete the old one. If she is in a guild with him, I suggest she quit the guild. There are other guilds out there that she could join if they will invite her in. It will minimize contact with this other EQ player. Also, request that contact with other EQ players be left to playing the game only. I find it very hard to communicate with other EQ players while playing because some stuff goes very fast.

Sue:
Thanks for the info. She said she didn't want to play it anymore, that I could delete her character. I haven't deleted it but, I have checked to see if she is playing. She hasn't been. I think that since they have met and have each other's e-mail and phone numbers, there is no need to play anymore. But thanks for the input, I thought the same.

Toro,

Welcome to MB. There is much to learn here, so please take the time to read the concepts section above. If you can read the books such as his needs/her needs along with surviving an affair, it might be helpful. Also phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer or a good local MC can provide you with support.

In addition to that you have this board here and a place to vent. If you take your thread and post on GQII you may find several who dealt with Internet R's or even A's started from games. Go ahead and post, there is a couple that used to play those on-line games and the H went and had an A. They have since recovered and doing well. Maybe they or others can help you.

take care,
L.