We've been married for 24 years. We were in the ministry to one degree or another about 20 of those years including pastoring and associate pastoring. My husband has always been such a wonderful, strong teacher of the Word. We moved to up north coming from the deep south 3 years ago and we've not been involved at all in the ministry.
My husband is having MAJOR problems. He told me about 9 months ago "I still care about you, I care about what happens to you, your well being and all, but I'm not in love with you anymore". Well from then on our marriage has been spiraling downhill - arguing, bludgeoning comments that would cut the heart right out of you, etc. I've left and spent the night at my friend's house but came back the next day. I've done everything short of just absolutely moving out and completely separating and possibly filing for divorce. Moving out will be my next step and soon if something doesn't change.
I'm the only one who seems to be trying to get help for us. We started going to a Christian counselor, once a month, about 3 months ago. I haven't really seen much improvement. I've asked prayer from "everybody and his brother".
The counselor says my husband has emotionally shut down. He started having problems with impotence for the first time in our whole marriage about 9 months ago. He has to use Viagra for us to have any relations (which we rarely do). When we do there is no passion in him. He is SO, SO resistant to getting any help. I bring things home for us both to read and it's like dragging a cat backwards to get him to read it. We go through horrific arguments but eventually and occasionally he does read it. He was like this about going to the counselor. I was given your book "The 5 Languages of Love" and I started reading it. If we could have had this years ago it would have been SO different! I had to go through the same thing to get him to read it. Next I'm going to try to get him to go to one of the conferences. Please Pray that he will agree!!!
I've NEVER known my husband to act the way he has these past 9 mos. He was always such a gentle-natured, sweet, kind man, who showed me affection often. He had a strong sexual appetite which I admit I did not answer to as often as he wanted. And this caused us problems throughout the years. That was my mistake and I've asked his forgiveness for this. However, now he is harsh, completely unaffectionate (I mean ZERO affection), rarely having intercourse (which I have to initiate), distant, and cold to me. I believe he has depression but he won't even talk about that AT ALL. It's been like living with a stranger. I can't live without love and affection. And after 24 years of being a faithful wife to him, I don't deserve this kind of treatment. What Am I Supposed To Do? Please pray for us. I'm at the end of my rope and I can't go much longer like this, broken-hearted, lonely, and unloved.
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