Hello, my husband has not admitted to the affair and I cannot prove it....just call it instinct and a few explicit emails. He says they are just friends but I'm frantic everytime I do not know where he is or what he is doing. He says I'm smothering him. I don't mean to but I am hurting so bad. How do I get over this hurt and move on? I want my life to continue with him and he is willing to stay eventhough he knows I think he is having an affair. He will not give up his friendship with her because he has done nothing wrong!

Hi,
My H said the same thing. The night I heard his voicemail, they had already been EA/PA for 3 months!. He called her his friend, then he called his good friend. I asked to meet his 'good friend' and that's when all ..... broke loose.

To top it off, we had just come back from a family counseling session and even the counselor noticed that the WS was acting a bit strange. Like blaming me for everything.... etc.

Once it was out in the open, attitudes got worse. I finally told him that he accused me of bringing out the worse in him but I saw that the OW did a better job of it! Well after 22 months of this endless A, the last call was from her in June of this year. Later he said he didn't even miss her. So our recovery is still new but we have been in it for a while. He feels his last time with her was in February but I consider it June since that is when they had their last phone call contact(initiated by her).

REad the concepts section at the top, get with a good counselor or if you can hook up with Steve or Jennifer via phone counseling. Good support there. Read the books: surviving an affair and his needs/her needs by Dr Harley. If you must then find the book: Love must be tough.

BUILD UP YOUR SUPPORT GROUP. Learn to use your MB tools and be prepared for the worst. Then you will survive. You can survive. You will survive.

Your hunch is probably not too far off from the truth. The challenge is how to find out.

take care,
L.