Thank you so much to all of you for your words and advice, and i did print that WATS and plan to read it all asap. i have talked to so many friends about this situation but i just needed to badly to hear from those who have been through it themselves. Some more info on H and me is that we both knew our relationship was a mess for a long time and we just didnt take the time to work on all the issues we had. The hard thing for me is looking back and seeing how much i really put up with and let him get away with - like one of you said - he had no incentive to stop behaving badly. I am already in IC, he says he is going to go to one, but we shall see on that one - he of course want us to go together but i told him i was not ready for that yet - that I need to get stronger for me before i make any descisions about our relationship. That's also why he's not home now - he is staying in his parents basement, which is one thing i can smile about - what an appropriate place for him, huh!
anyway, one thing i didnt mention thats the hardest is there is a child involved - my 8 year old daughter who has only known my H as her daddy, though hes not...but the two of them were inseperable and now as i am hurting i have to watch her hurting and acting out and it's so difficult.
i may not be able to write long letters like this all the time b/c im at work & no PC at home, but again thank you all - i needed this support SO badly.