Well never in my life would I believe I would be here! Just found out my high school sweetheart husband of 20 years has been having affairs.

We have always had normal problems in a marriage but when our older kid turned into teenagers we started having more problems. I dealt with it by finding things to make me happy and he also did by joining a chat group that made him happy. OH MY! He said he become obsessed & addicted to it.

Well for the last 3 years he has been on the phone and meeting and sleeping with women off the system. OK that is hard to take but he also had a long term affair with one woman. She was the person to inform me of all this. She said she was falling in love and that is not what he wanted. He just wanted sex! Also my husband and I would have sex 3 or 4 times a week.

We do have four children and they are the best kids around. So well adjusted and happy. We do have a normal happy looking mariage.

What does a person do after finding out all this??? How common or sick is this??

I’m just doing nothing because I think I’m dead inside. I can’t think of anything.

My husband is so truly remorseful and says it was an addition. Both of us are going to c. I just think he is sick!

Help!

I am so sorry for your situation. I don't have any advice, but I would also like to know why a man does this.

Someone I know does the same thing (and is also married with a beautiful family). He tells me he has a "curiosity" for women. To him, it is only sex (but he says he "cares" for the women).

His wife has constant suspicions about what he is doing, but no concrete evidence, as yet, anyway.

Like you, I've often wondered why it happens. I hope someone could shed some light on this.

DJ

Um yeah... men. Well, not to rock the boat, but wives do this too. Here's the reality as I have come to understand it.
- Every marriage can have infidelity... it's part of human wiring. If someone has enough opportunity, pressure, and not enough reasons NOT TO... they will.
- 50% of marriages end in divorce for "irreconcilable differences". The books I've read point that because of lack of documentation in the divorce process, they would guess that 50 - 80% of divorces are caused by infidelity. So, if 1 million couple get married, within 5 years, 500,000 couples will be divorced. Of those 500,000 couples, if 50 - 80% ended because of infidelity, then 500,000 people had affairs. We are very much NOT ALONE. I don't know the actual marriage/divorce statistics... I just used 1 million as an example because the numbers were easy.

It's easy to wonder if the cheating spouse is sick. I sure did with my wife... <sighs>. Wayward spouses do sick things to hide the affairs. Are they sick people? Perhaps... you're the only one that can really decide for yourself if the affair(s) are forgivable, and if so or if not, whether the marriage is worth saving.

My WW started her affair the same month she finally conceived after 3 years of fertility treatments with me. That's pretty sick to me. But, I still love her. But, I still hate her too.

Good luck and God bless.