Well since H's friend relayed that H has had multiple partners (don't know how many or when) I get to go to the Dr. today to be tested for STD's - the pain and rage I feel in having to do this - it's embarrassing and just makes me want to scream! All I can think about is "mulitiple partners" - my god, how many?! Last night had nightmares about who, what, when and couldn't sleep. I wonder if my H has any idea of the agony he has caused. Whether we try to work on things or not, I will NEVER be the same.

You are right...you will never be the same. Wanna know something?? You can be better than before!! It takes some hard work but, you can do it!

I understand your embarassment at having to be tested for STD's (most of us have been there and done that!). Keep in mind that your health is more important than you being embarassed.

At this point I doubt your WH understands or cares what he has done. Hopefully, someday he'll feel remorse. You can't spend your time wondering whether he will or not; you must work on making yourself a happier, stronger and healthier person.

MPELE
You know, as much as this forum proves that any form of betrayal, emotional or physical, is, and can be, equally devastating to the betrayed spouse, I still contend that the sexually active affairs are the worst of all. Not only does it add many health/medical concerns, but also it hits the betrayed partner on such a deep primal gut level physically and mentally. I think that even though there is a propensity to wander within the human species, there is also a territorial essence within us regarding exclusivity with our partners in sex. I too had to do the Dr. thing because my WW had "multiple partners", unprotected. How embarrassing it was! I am still not over it and I am not sure I ever will be. Yes, the images drive you crazy, especially in the beginning, but they do start to die down and go away after awhile. I still wonder if the day will ever come when I can actually go 24 hours without a thought about them and what they did and how often, etc. It is very disturbing indeed. On the bright side, though, there's hope! Yes, as bad as your story is there are many here in worse situations that are in recovery and in good healthy marriages once again. For some, (not all), the affair(s) actually have brought many closer together! You will need counseling separately and together. Good luck to you!

I also know what it feels like to be the BS in a PA. As a male I actually feel like I've been raped because of my WW sexual A. It is gut wrenching and I think more painful than the death of a spouse. There isn't closure for me and unfortunately in my situation I think we are heading toward divorce. If she had died then I know everything would be over. I have no intentions of killing her, I'm not that stupid. I haven't had any sex with WW since d-day, but I did once during her A with OM. I am at risk to STD and AIDS because of her actions and asked that she be tested. She refuses to be tested for STDs because the OM is married to same W for 25 years and claims to never have cheated until now. Still it all makes me feel sick.

DAC2002

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As a male I actually feel like I've been raped because of my WW sexual A.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, me too. I actually had a nightmare that I was forcably raped in my car. It was so disturbing I woke up with the loadest most animalistic scream I have ever made. Everyone heard me. I felt completely f**ked by it, though now those feelings have diminished substantially; probably due to my emotional withdrawal. I think if we weren't buried 2 mortgages into a house and other debt and I could afford it I would have been out within the first 2 weeks. But alas, it is difficult to do without bringing down the family (3 daughters - hers - at home) in total ruin. When I am at my worst I just want to go straight to DV and damn the consequences, it's her fault! But on the otherhand, I reconsider and think otherwise. Still don't know what I will do ultimately, but it is hard to live at home feeling this way!

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had something positive to say to you in order to build you up, but I don't. I'm probably of the minority on these boards in thinking that my marriage is over. I'm only 6 weeks from d-day and the A ended only days before d-day, so everything is real fresh. I'm not a good source for advice right now, but I can realate to the pain, emotions, violation, and physically discomfort of it all.

I will be going to the doctor next Monday for a full physical, blood work, and STD check. I thought I never would have to do the third part.

How did your test go?

<small>[ September 27, 2002, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: DAC2002 ]</small>

DAC2002

Fortunately we are both clean. She only gets credit for chosing a highly clean conservative and very discriminating older attorney who is meticulous with his health. The one nighter? Well, she says its the shortest male organ she has ever seen in her life and he couldn't even reach her outermost regions from behind. No actual penetration took place and she's not even sure he actually climaxed (they had been out drinking) so possibly no fluids exchanged there. Anyway, we are clean none-the-less, healthwise, but I am still majorly irked over the whole thing.

Blind Sided: Glad to hear the test came out okay.

Mpele: How are you doing? We haven't heard from you. How did your test go?

Thanks for all your posts! Won't know about results until the end of this week, but hopefully sooner. Unfortunately, I don't have a PC at home which is why I can't reply as often...i am just such a mess right now. yesterday i just sat in bed and cried while my daughter played outside with a friend. i just didnt want to get up. my emotions for H are all over the place; i have all the "images" one of you mentioned, but then the next minute i miss him and wish he were home. i even asked if i could go to a family wedding this coming weekend that i had previously said i didnt want to go to - i'm very close to his family and wanted to go for them, not for him. well, lets be honest, it's for him, too - probably that sick part of me that wants to go so at least i know he's with me, not someone else. did i do the wrong thing by saying i wanted to go?
Also, my new obsession is those "spy" deals you can install on a PC and view their activity online - have any of you ever used that? Yes, I know it's torturing myself but I need to SEE what he's doing (or not doing) with my own two eyes.
Sorry, I'm all over the map today, but thanks again for listening.

Hi. My WH went to be tested for STD's and AIDS last week. He had a one night stand in May 2002, and finally told me about it because he was having problems "down there" and suspected STD. They did not use a condom. Fortunately his tests came back negative, but it doesn't make our situation any better or make it hurt any less. He has to go back for a second AIDS check because it hasn't been 6 months, and he is still having problems with something "down there" so I guess it could be one of the few STD's that they didn't test for. We're not out of the woods yet.

I know how you all feel, I thought that I would never have to go through the STD and AIDS testing. I thought that since I am married, those were things I wouldn't ever have to be concerned about. It was a very rude awakening. The whole thing is very painful. How do you ever get over it?

Good luck. I hope you too get good test results.